Remember The Loops? (I Don't Expect You To)
by Bluepaw265
Summary: Time Loops. Kai hates them. He hates the pain, suffering and horrific events he has to go though time and time again. He was able to hold himself together until...Wu. He ran after that. It took him a while to return (in the coolest way possible!), but with coming back, he's faced with having to tell his friends - his family - the truth. But...how? (All Season Spoilers)
1. Remember - I

**Okay, so some readers asked me to put the 10 connected one-shots into one story, so here you go! You guys have no idea how hard it was to come up with a summary and title that fits with everything. In fact, help with the title would be great. **

**For any new readers, hi! Welcome to a Kai-centric AU. The writing style varies for each chapter (sorry about that), which goes from something like _this_ to an actual in-the-moment type of thing (like in no. 10, _Resist_ ).**

 **Anyway, have fun. Your questions may be answered as you move through each chapter, but if you still have questions by the end or 'Resist', then please PM me. Or check my profile; I plan to have come of the more confusing stuff answered on there.**

 **Anyways, have fun with the first (and one of the best) chapter of this book!**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Kai remembers more than he should - more than anyone should - and it finally starts to take its toll on him.

And when the portal closes with his Sensei still inside, Kai snaps.

/ /

The AU where Kai is stuck in a Time Loop every time a new adventure starts, and finally breaks under the pressure.

 _(Season 1-7 spoilers (Time Twins))_

* * *

 _ **Remember**_

No one knows Kai remembers.

Jay and Nya don't know he remembers Nadakhan. In fact, while they think they are the only ones who remember, he remembers more. Much more. He remembers dying. He remembers thinking he had to save his team. But, on his last attempt, number 36, something changed.

To finally make it all end, he had to let go. Trust that Jay could beat Nadakhan.

And Jay did it.

But it didn't stop Nya's death from flashing behind his eyeballs.

Lloyd doesn't know his nightmares are alternate timelines. It's better that way, though. If Lloyd knew that the Overlord had succeeded more than once – killed them more than once ( _47 times_ , if he looked at his arm) – he would be horrified. That, and question why Kai _wasn't_ corrupted like the others.

Yet, even now, years later, he still ends up rushing to Lloyd when the nightmares strike.

And Kai knows that he sees other alternate timelines, too. By the way the Green Ninja looks at him sometimes, he knows he's starting to get the same discoveries in different timelines (and more as he continues on his adventures).

He knows it's only a matter of time before he asks him, because if all his dreams point to one thing, it's that his best friend may know much more than he's letting on.

No one knows how much he remembers.

They don't know about the burns. It's one of the reasons why he doesn't go shirtless unless changing clothes. Ever. Kai never goes swimming, either, and he has the perfect excuse for it (even though they'd never remember teaching him).

The numerals covering his body aren't what they seem. They weren't accidents.

They were the number of times he'd been fighting to save his friends.

And failed.

36\. It was burnt into the left side of his chest, and he knew what that signified. He'd finally succeeded in defeating Nadakhan – with his friends help, of course – on that thirty-sixth try.

And the same went for all the other burns. 28. 43. 51.

They all showed how much he'd failed.

And he _hated_ it.

He'd failed when Zane died. He'd tried so hard to prevent it, but his friend had defeated the Overlord and saved Ninjago (and if Lloyd ever got a dreadful nightmare where Kai was the one who blew up in a wave of fire instead of Zane, he didn't tell him).

That's what lead him away from the monastery.

He couldn't take it. The fact that the burn – 35 – had turned dark instead of the usual glow had made his blood go cold and, as soon as he was outside, far away from his friends, he'd screamed.

He'd left soon after the memorial. His sickness turned into grief which turned into rage, because, even after everything he'd been through, it was still the only emotion he was comfortable with.

Kai's legs lead him to the Slither Pit, and his fists did the rest.

It's unexpected when he doesn't find peace when he finds out Zane is alive. In fact, his stomach had churned, his eyesight had gone fuzzy and his head had screamed ' _trap, trap, trap'_.

It was, of course.

The Tournament of Elements was different. Harder than most of the trails he'd come to face.

Because Chen remembered, just like he did, and learning that whenever Kai died the timeline would reset was a bother.

And the way Skylor's father acted around him made her more suspicious than anyone, and would later make their fleeting relationship burst into flames (because Skylor couldn't trust someone who couldn't trust her, and he understood, no matter how disappointed he was).

The number 68 was what would become the second highest failures he'd ever come to endure.

When Lloyd's possession came about, months after Chen's defeat, Morro realised, after attempt three, that he couldn't die.

He ended up catching Kai every chance he got, and even though they had eventually succeeded in defeating him on round 27, the damage had been done.

Morro had told Lloyd the truth right in Kai's face, but that had been a time when the Green Ninja wouldn't ever believe that.

Now, he knew Lloyd was starting to question it.

They fought Nadakhan almost a month later, and won, thanks to Jay's quick thinking.

But it was hard keeping his knowledge away from the rest of the team. Especially when the nightmares struck harder than ever before (because Nya's lifeless eyes in Jay's arms still haunted him, and he knew his friends had wondered what had been wrong. He had also noticed Nya and Jay glancing at him from time to time, and he remembers wondering if he'd been talking in his sleep).

The Day of the Departed had been quick. He'd never forgotten Cole, yet he couldn't ever know that. He'd had to replay if twice before he got it right.

The number 3 was his best, and it stayed right on the small of his back.

And then...Time itself.

It had been a year of peace before they'd been thrust back into the action, with Acronix thirsting for revenge on Wu for keeping him lost in time for forty years.

It was there when Kai realised time hurt.

The Pause blade didn't affect him, with his relationship to time, but it affected him just as terribly as the others.

All his numeric markings would glow, and they would cause him the most excruciating pain he'd ever felt – something that still hadn't been matched.

It had made Wu's eyes go wide, along with Acronix's, and he'd heard a whispered, "Time's Champion..." before he'd blacked out.

It doesn't help that, even after finding his parents with Nya, that he'd failed to save their past selves that one time.

Nor did it help that Acronix and Krux had tried to catch and observe him after they'd found out he was 'Time's Champion'.

It was on number 54 when tragedy struck.

After Nya had fallen, Wu had told Kai to let go. He'd told him that he could count on him to figure out what to do. How being Time's Champion would never be an easy task, even for him.

And, once the Fire Ninja had tears in his eyes, he'd told Kai he'd see him again.

Then he'd let him go, and Kai went down screaming at his mentor to "let go" and, "jump, Sensei" and the stereotypical, "no".

But he didn't.

And he'd watched as the portal closed with _his_ sensei still inside.

It didn't matter that, as Techno Wu, he'd hurt him enough to make him avoid his teacher for weeks. It didn't matter that he'd yelled at Wu. All that mattered then was that his father-figure had disappeared, and he was likely never coming back.

When Kai hit the ground somewhere in the middle of a rainforest, he vanished.

He hadn't even said goodbye to his friends. He hadn't even told his family he was leaving. He hadn't even called them to say he was alive.

He'd snapped, because he'd seen too much. He remembered too much. He'd done so much for his family, for _all_ of Ninjago, and even then, neither knew how long he'd _actually_ been fighting for.

They all remembered one fight, where good always triumphed over evil.

But Kai remembered all the ones that failed. The victories were hidden under a layer of dust, and he couldn't take that.

He'd cracked. Just like that. Snapped in two after the man who introduced him to his family was taken away from him, likely never to be seen of heard from again.

Kai had left.

And he still hasn't returned.


	2. Return - II

**Okay, here we go. Next one.**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Kai's been hiding for 6 months now, and he's finally ready to return.

He just...can't face them yet.

/ / /

Where the Ninja stumble upon Kai (unknowingly), and the Fire Ninja has fun (even though he shouldn't).

 _(Season 7 (ending) Spoilers!)_

* * *

 _ **Return**_

It was time for him to return.

He'd been in hiding for almost six months, because his friends were still looking for him. They'd seen him fall out of the sky, but they hadn't found him yet.

But the crowds upon crowds of people were keeping a firm lookout, because by now, Kai knew that they knew that he was avoiding them, because there'd been no enemy activity that'd be strong enough to subdue him.

He knew it'd been wrong of him to leave them all without saying anything. They didn't even know the truth yet, and he understood how angry Nya would be once he rocked up on the Airjitzu Temple's doorstep.

He had to think, though. They wouldn't understand how much he's had to do. How much he's had to think. How much he's had to fight for their, and Ninjago's, freedom.

He'd had to sift through the nightmares. Stop the nasty images from popping up behind his eyelids every time he closed his eyes. He still hadn't thoroughly fixed that, though, but he'd realised long ago that he was never going to fully rid himself of the terrible memories.

The hardest part was sifting though reality.

His friends were still here (they haven't died. They're all still here). His parents were back (they are alive. They're looking after Nya).

But Sensei Wu was gone, and will likely never return (he said he'd come back. He will return. He _has_ to).

Kai sifts through the heartache of reality by punching trees, and when that doesn't work (he ends up setting off a major bushfire, and when the Ninja finally get there, he's long gone), he ends up back in the Slither Pit, welcoming the throbbing bruises and the much-needed distraction.

But that's all it is, a distraction, and when he starts spotting a certain green ninja three weeks in, he gets out of there before he can talk some sense into him.

He resorts to fighting illegally in the Underground (because he needs to hit _something_ , and everyone is taking out his options and _god_ , he just wants to _sock_ them all in the _face_ ), but, while a much longer distraction, it still manages to get busted on his seventh week in. He almost gets caught, but somehow manages to evade the police.

It's worse on the run, though, and about four days later, he ends up bumping into Jay on his way down the otherwise empty street, black cap under red hood, and the Lightning Ninja, while not recognising him (the much longer, matted hair might have done the trick), notices the bloodied knuckles (because he just _had_ to stop a potentially brutal mugging not twenty minutes ago) under the streetlight, along with the brisk, trying-not-to-seem-suspicious walk, and Kai ends up being chased across the city.

All the endurance training he'd done in the forest payed off in the end, because he finally shook Jay off after doubling back a few times.

But, even though he'd fooled 'motormouth', his friends had turned up to the party.

And they'd found him instantly.

It was a hard gig. He'd managed to trick them a few times, but he hadn't managed to stay hidden for very long before their Ninja eyesight found him again.

And then Lloyd, in his Ninja Gi, decided enough was enough and, after a few warnings that Kai clearly heard, started shooting energy bolts at him. The others joined in, and soon he was dodging everything with adept speed as he jumped from building to building.

The seriousness had long since ebbed away. He'd begun to have fun, despite himself. It was a game to him, yet they didn't realise it.

He wouldn't mind if he returned this way.

He continued to dodge the projectiles in the air, a wide smile on his face.

That was, until they started to get clever.

They started combining their powers, together, and while Kai liked the extra challenge, the smile on his face had turned into a concentrated frown.

They continued to go like that (with Kai's arms and legs starting to go numb, but he didn't mind) until Cole's earth hit an ice shard and sent other, tiny ( _sharp_ ) shards flying at him.

Kai couldn't dodge that, and once he got hit, the rest came in a blur.

The lightning he got to the back arched up and down his body, and its agony until he lands, the electricity flowing back into the land.

And, as the Ninja land like agile cats, Kai chuckles through the familiar throbbing aches, ignoring Cole's cry of, "What's so funny?"

He'll be returning to them like this, it seems.

"Oh, man." Kai's voice is rough, unused, and he slowly sits up from where he fell, rubbing the shoulder he'd landed on, scanning the hostile crowd of Ninja, only finding narrowed eyes. "That's the most fun I've had all year."

Because the start of the year was when Wu disappeared, and everything _fun_ had been so _dull_. He's been too serious. Too angry. Too messed up.

Sorting out his problems may be one thing, but his emotions are another thing entirely.

At their baffled expressions, Kai sighs. "I've been gone for six months, and you don't recognise me? I'm _hurt_." He holds a hand over his heart as Lloyd's eyes widen, quickly followed by the rest of the gang.

"Kai?" He asks, disbelieving, unsure, shocked, and the Fire Ninja grins.

"I'm back, guys." Kai tells them, and he's suddenly thrown into the middle of a group hug, and he knows they'll be attacking him soon enough. "And I'm never leaving again."


	3. Recover - III

**Number 3. Recovering...hmm. Wonder how that's gonna work out (well, you do. I don't).**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Kai tries to recover. Really, he does. But it's harder than it looks.

Especially when his friends start following him.

/ /

Where Kai tries to ignore his friends, and ends up exploding. Figuratively.

 _(Again, Season 7 Spoilers)_

* * *

 _ **Recover**_

Kai tries to recover.

But settling back into the Airjitzu Temple is harder than he previously thought, and it's for a number of reasons.

The nightmares, for one.

He'd gotten a firm grip on them, but now, he's lost control. They usually kept him awake, and, when he managed to stay up for multiple days in a row, his friends would make him sleep.

And, if they've ever heard him scream in the night, they've never told him (it makes him think he doesn't actually talk in his sleep, but he knows otherwise).

They haven't asked him about his obvious troubled sleep, but he knows they will soon.

The same goes for being 'Time's Champion'.

The next reason was prolonging the family dinner.

Don't get him wrong; Kai's ecstatic that he finally has his biological family back. He's happy that Nya's in her best possible place.

But the thing is, he isn't.

Nya has tried and tried to get him to go to dinner with their parents, or even just meet up for tea.

But every time he sees their faces, he remembers Wu, and just like that he remembers that he isn't going to see him again.

Kai runs every time, and Nya still hasn't been successful yet.

The last reason is avoiding his friends.

It isn't because Nya keeps pestering him about their parents. It isn't because Jay's nagging has gotten on his nerves. It isn't because whenever he walks into an occupied room, all conversation stops.

It isn't their fault.

It's his, really. They've been trying everything they can to include him, so when he says 'no' to enough proposals, they tell 'master' Lloyd.

It's when Lloyd asks if he wants to join him on a walk around the city and he declines yet again, when his Ninja friends decide to follow him around, wondering what these 'errands' are and how they're more important than hanging around them.

And it's now, late in the night, when he feels the familiar chill of watching eyes.

Kai resists the urge to sigh and continues walking down the vacant street, fingers twitching. _Don't get angry. Don't get angry..._ He chants wishfully, but it doesn't work. Hasn't worked for the last eight months (because that was when he'd snapped, and that clean break still hasn't mended yet).

He whirls around, fire blazing in his stomach, and he lets out a snarl that completely disregards any thought of how big the bags under his eyes are. "This is the third time this week! Are you guys _trying_ to piss me off? If you are, _congratulations_ , because it's working!" He yells, and his friends are quick to drop in front of him, and it's a small relief when he sees Lloyd isn't there with them, because that means he isn't stupid enough to follow him – that he was and still is prepared to wait for Kai to tell him everything in his own time.

"Kai we...we were just-" Jay tries to explain, but Kai's done.

"Trying to figure out what I've been doing?" Zanes', "Yes, actually" doesn't help their case. "Well, if you want to know so badly, I've been stopping crimes! Threatening thieves, taking out rapists." They all wince at that, and Kai's hands clench, because he can't stop. Won't stop. Not after how _damn_ nosy they've been. "And I do it because I can't sleep! What would you do if your mentor – the one person you respected more than _anyone_ else – sacrificed himself to spend what's likely to be the rest of his years in 'lost time'? What would you do if you knew you could have saved him? What would _you_ do if you made a _terrible_ mistake _you couldn't take back?"_ Kai laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "You know what I did. I ran like a _damn_ coward. I had to piece myself back together, and yet, it seems I haven't done it well enough. You're all standing here because of me, and I can't..." He stops there, the heat oozing out of his voice, and suddenly he's done. He's not doing this anymore. "Tell Lloyd to meet me at the place we first met. He'll know where I mean."

Kai turns away and walks down the dark street. He hears footsteps race towards him seconds later, and his temper flares once more. " _Don't_ follow me." And, just like that, they stop, and Kai turns a corner and vanishes from view.

He breathes heavily, for a while, clenching and unclenching his fists as he walks, shaking.

 _I understand._ He thinks, and he stops in the middle of the pathway, hands covering his face. _I understand why they're worried._ Kai leans against a nearby wall, running a hand through his spiky hair. _But they can't just follow me around. I don't know how long they've been watching me tonight, or if they saw me scare that thief away._ He shakes his head, sliding down the wall. _It doesn't matter. They don't have any right to stalk me. But they wouldn't have done it if I just went to these stupid things they think I might like. They wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been avoiding them._

 _It's my fault._

Kai stands, hands clenched by his sides. _But I'm going to make it right._

 _I'm going to meet Lloyd and tell him everything._


	4. Repeat - IV

**This one's a shortie. The next chapter will hopefully make this look okay (though it probably won't).**

 **At least try and enjoy this, okay? For me, if nothing else.**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Kai's had to repeat himself more than once. It's harder now, though. Waiting for Lloyd to (hopefully) make his way up the hilltop.

He only hopes he won't think he's crazy.

/ /

Where Kai waits for Lloyd and tries to psych himself up for the big reveal.

 _(Season 5 Spoilers)_

* * *

 _ **Repeat**_

Kai's had to repeat himself more than once.

Over the years, he's told them who he is. So many times, he's had to tell them, and most of the time it wasn't his choice.

Morro made that clear.

Most of the 27 repeats had Kai alone and Morro – in Lloyd's body – pinning him to the ground, exposing his secret to Lloyd. It was one of the ghost's favourite things to do, especially when he'd learnt that none of his friends knew.

And it'd been the same on that twenty-seventh run.

Kai shook his head, running a hand through his brown spikes, sighing. Even with the breeze washing over his face and the hundreds of sparkling stars he could see on the hilltop, he still couldn't stop the troubling thoughts from plaguing him.

 _What if he doesn't believe me? What if he hates me? What if he tells me to never return?_

Kai shakes his head once again. _Lloyd wouldn't do that. Plus, if he finds me here, he'll definitely believe me. This is the place where we first met. Not his first time._ My _first time._

 _And if his dreams really are alternate memories, then he'll know._

He's not wrong. An hour later, Kai hears a shuffling of feet and watches as Lloyd settles on the ground to his right, humming as his green eyes settle on the hundreds and thousands of twinkling lights above them. Kai ends up doing the same, and it's nice and calm for a while.

He knows it's over when Lloyd takes his eyes off the stars and turns to look at him. "I'm sorry for what the others did. They shouldn't have been following you around like that." He apologises, and Kai sighs, running a hand through his hair once again.

"It wasn't their fault." He disagrees, shaking his head, making eye contact with Lloyd. "They wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been so...distant." He sighs, rubbing his eyes. "And I say 'hadn't' because that's going to change. Tonight." The Green Ninja gives him a small warm smile, and Kai returns it.

"It's about time I told you everything."


	5. Recall - V

**Here we go. The moment you've all been waiting for. The big reveal...and feels.**

 **It's not overly explained, but I think you'll get the gist.**

 **Anyway, please, enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Kai's finally telling someone his deepest secret. Mysteries are uncovered, more foreshadowed, and hollowing feelings are discovered. The weight of the world is heavier than you'd think.

/ /

Where Kai finally shares his secret with Lloyd, and breaks down in the process.

 _(All Season Spoilers)_

* * *

 _ **Recall**_

It hurt to recall the memories that constantly plague him.

They swirl around him like a black cloud and, when he ends up ignoring that for long enough, becomes a long and jagged dagger that is usually embedded in his side for long periods of time.

Sleeping was the usual way the memories came back to haunt him (because he's _vulnerable_ there), but sometimes – when he'd hit rock bottom – they'd strike like a snake and _god_ , the bite hurt like a _bitch_.

One such moment was when he'd been drying the dishes for Zane (Zane, who'd died. Zane, who'd sacrificed himself for everyone he loved. Zane, who'd been such a hole in the team they'd split up). He'd felt the snake hiss and coil, beady eyes glaring at him, and he'd been cleaning a plate, trying to supress the incoming barrage of memories. He'd been sweating, shaking, taking short breaths, and the moment it lunged, he'd dropped the plate. It'd smashed against the floor, and Kai hadn't been far behind, falling backwards as he passed out.

This time, though, it wasn't like that.

He was talking. Finally, he was telling someone about what he'd experienced – what he'd done, how much added weight he'd had to bare.

This time, it wasn't forced. Morro wasn't pinning him down, spitting his secret in his face. Chen wasn't declaring his victory to everyone in a chamber as his minions shoved him to the ground, enough venge stone in his shackles and in their armour to make his head spin. Nadakhan wasn't grinning and telling his friends who he really was as his henchmen hauled him into the bright room, still fighting, despite the devastating wounds littering his body.

And, he found, as soon as he started, he couldn't stop.

Kai told him of Lloyd's father and his sisters' abduction. He told him of times where he was captured instead, of times when he'd gone alone to try and save his friends, of times where all hope was lost, but he still fought.

He told him of his first death, and how he thought he'd been given a second chance. He told him of how he thought he could save everyone if he was strong enough, and how he'd watched his friends die over and over again. He told him of times where he thought he couldn't save anyone, and how Wu always managed to bring him back. He told him of a time where his had determination flared to an absolute maximum, and how they'd finally managed to defeat his father on that 37th run.

He told Lloyd of the first time he'd met him, when the Green Ninja had been full of anger and resentment, and how Kai hadn't said anything as they sat on this very hill to gaze at the stars, letting him think for himself, because the Fire Ninja wasn't the best people person back then, haunted by nightmares and avoiding social contact at all costs. He didn't tell him of how he'd gotten a new number ( _burn_ ) on the right side of his lower back.

Lloyd remembered, though, and in turn told Kai how, after feeling quite frustrated at first, felt quite confronted by his presence. 'Master' Lloyd told him of how he refused to talk to a stranger about his problems and finally managed to leave after a while of debate.

Kai let that that go after a laugh and began to continue his life story.

He told him of the pity he felt when he found a younger Lloyd trying to unsuccessfully steal candy over and over again. He told him of a time when he'd been too late to save Lloyd in the volcano. He told him of how he watched them all die more than once (and died more than his fair share), and how they'd finally succeeded on their 16th try.

He told him of the Overlord and how he'd managed to corrupt everyone but themselves, and how all the different nightmares Lloyd receives about that day are actually dreadful memories – that included the one where Kai coaxed him into stabbing him in the gut. He didn't tell him about a dark time where they lost and Kai, still naïve and young in that 7th run, fought to get them all back, and failed. He told him of how he tried again around the thirties, then again in the late fifties, and again on round 70 (a time he remembers as clear as day). He told him of finally winning on number 74, and how tired he'd felt as the feeling that the Overlord would return didn't leave him alone.

He told him of his father and how he watched him like a hawk for most of that free year. He didn't tell him of the rather startling conversation they had (one that made Kai _finally_ open his eyes).

He told him of New Ninjago City and the adventures they had there while Lloyd was gone. He told him of the techno blades and of Techno Wu, of how his Sensei had killed him once and how he'd died three times from lethal wounds he managed to withhold until after that battle. He didn't tell him of the scar across his back – one he got from that very place on that last round (number 35; pretty good for fighting the Overlord, if he did say so himself).

He told him of Zane's death and how he'd tried it himself, only to respawn. He told him of his grief at the realisation that the Ice Ninja was meant to die and how he spent his time fighting at the Slither Pit trying to cope with that.

He told him of Chen and how he remembered every time everything reset. He told him it'd been hard, and how the sickening man, when capturing him, killed their friends in front of him. He told him of how he'd given up for a while, until Lloyd's father gave him a stern talking to (the Green Ninja narrowed his eyes at that) and, finally, managed to defeat Chen on round 68.

He didn't tell him of Skylor and their failed relationship.

He proceeded to tell him of Morro, of how he told Lloyd the truth every chance he got, and how he'd been relieved to be rid of him on round 27.

He paused on Nadakhan. Lloyd noticed. "What's up?"

Kai bit his lip. "This one isn't my story to tell. We'll come back to this one when I've talked to Jay and Nya about it, ok?" That was all Lloyd needed, because he knew him well enough.

Kai continued to tell the Green Ninja about the Day of the Departed, and how he never forgot. He told him that it'd taken him 3 tires to get it right, and that he was still proud of his achievement.

He struggled to tell him about the Time Twins. He told him of captures and experiments and failures and finding his family. His voice cracks as he told him about how he failed to save them in the past, and finally stops as he reaches the final part.

But that's ok, because Lloyd knows the basics (which could only be from the other Ninja reporting on his outburst), and 'master' Lloyd tells him that he doesn't have to talk.

Kai cried in front of Lloyd for the first time ever that night (the one time where he _isn't_ a dead weight in his arms), and the Green Ninja holds him as all the emotions bowl over. The rage, grief, terror all leak out of his eyes, because finally, he'd told someone. The weight on his shoulders had been such a familiar weight he'd forgotten it was there, and now that it's gone, everything he'd been feeling had just rushed out like a dam breaking apart.

But he's ok with that.

Someone knows. _Lloyd_ knows.

And suddenly, the thought of telling his friends isn't so bad after all.


	6. Reveal - VI

**So, here we are, onto the next one. Thank you all for sticking around.**

 **Thank you, and please, enjoy! And...don't hesitate to review (I can't believe I just did that...)!**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Kai dances around Nya and Jay for a few weeks before he finally makes his move (in the shape of a sticky note; you're SO brave).

When they come after him, he hides (he WAITS. On top of the temple. It means NOTHING!).

/ /

Where Kai puts a sticky note on Nyas' desk, and suffers her wrath.

 _(Season 6 Spoilers)_

* * *

 _ **Reveal**_

Kai danced around revealing his knowledge of Nakadan to Nya and Jay for weeks on end.

He promised Lloyd he would. He told him he'd go and tell them he knew soon.

But 'soon' turned into days, then weeks, and while Lloyd was ok with waiting for him, the Fire Ninja was not.

He hates his cowardice, but every time he sees them conversing quietly together, away from the others, his throat tightens, his mouth dries up and he runs away before they acknowledge his presence.

It reminds him of the family dinner he still has yet to attend.

He'd finally built enough courage at the end of fourth week, and before he lost it, he grabs a sticky note, writes down a relatively unknown name, and, sneaking into Nya's room, sticks the note onto the top of the book ( _a journal?_ ) on her desk.

The next day, Kai watches from the door to his room as Nya dashes out of her own, racing to Jay's and pounding her fist against the wood, shaking from exertion.

He doesn't need to know why she's acting that way, and he ends up walking quietly down the hallway to join the others as Jay opens his door and, upon seeing the note, ushers her inside.

When they sit down ready to eat breakfast an hour later, Lloyd notices the absence of the couple. "Where's Jay and Nya?"

Cole shrugs in response, and Zane replies politely. "I'm sorry, but I do not know, Lloyd."

Kai shrugs innocently when Lloyd's eyes questioning eyes land on him. "She looked pretty shaken when I saw her earlier. I think she just needs some time with Jay." He answers, ignoring the looks he receives.

Because he wouldn't leave his sister distraught. Ever. It is only when they're arguing that he ever leaves her like that. Leaving it to Jay is unheard of.

But that was before. Kai's different, now. He's still recovering from snapping nine months ago, and the Fire Ninja hoped they'd go off a lowered self-esteem for him to leave his sister to be taken care of by another.

The three Ninja share a look, and Kai watches Zane's eyes analyse him from across the table, flashing blue.

But then Cole shrugs, Zane nods slowly, and Lloyd gives him a trusting look, before going back to their breakfast – bacon and eggs, by master chef Zane himself ( _thank god_ ).

Kai lets out an inward sigh of relief before digging into the mouth-watering meal.

It's in the middle of the day when Kai sees Nya and Jay again, and it's not on happy circumstances.

He watches as they ask Lloyd if they could speak to him privately, and when they leave, Kai does, too.

He climbs up onto the top of the Airjitzu Temple and sits against the base of the antenna, sighing.

 _They'll be coming for me soon._ Kai doesn't fight it, though. He embraces it, because finally, after all this time, he can finally be free from all the secrecy.

Soon. First, the Nadakhan conversation. Then, the talk where they may or may not believe him.

 _Lloyd did, so why can't the others?_ Kai smiles at that, before he sits back and lets the wind hit his face, sighing in content.

He's there for an hour, lost in the sound of nature, before they manage to find him.

Kai hears them reach the top and, when he opens his eyes, finds them staring at him, Nya frowning and Jay's eyebrows scrunched together.

They cut to the chase pretty quickly. "How do you know this name?" Jay asks, handing him the sticky note, more serious than Kai thinks he's ever seen him in his life.

He reads his handwriting. _Nadakhan._

"How do you know I wrote it?" Kai counters. It's a question he wants answered, but Nya is just as stubborn as he is.

"You can't answer a question with a question!" His sister yells, and Kai smirks.

"I just did."

Jay frowns, eye twitching. "Lloyd told us to go ask you, Cole and Zane. We couldn't find you, and even when we asked the others, they didn't dance around it."

 _Huh._ Kai thinks, nodding. _Lloyd didn't completely sell me out._

"You wanted to find me first?"

Nya gives him a look. "You're 'Time's Champion' or whatever that is, right?"

Kai shrugs. "I guess."

Nya stares at him, face set somewhere between a snarl and disbelief. "All you have to say is 'I guess'? It's a yes or no question!" She shouts, and Jay puts a hand on her comforting hand on her shoulder, giving him an apologetic look.

Kai doesn't do anything, though. Instead of getting worked up, he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the post, slowly inhaling and exhaling a long breath.

 _Time to tell them._

The Fire Ninja opens his eyes and, after getting a good look of the bags under Jay's eyes and sweat matting Nya's brow ( _makes sense. She only gets_ this _snappy when she's stressed_ ), sighs.

 _Time to stop dancing._

"I remember a lot more than you think."


	7. Remember Me? - VII

**Hello, readers!**

 **I hope you like this one, because next one is the beginning of a complete AU (** _Alternate Universe_ **) of season 8! I mean, seriously. Everything is different...ish. I haven't watched any of it, so I'll be surprised if it resembles season 8 in any way (apart from the characters, of course!).**

 **What I'm TRYING to say is, practically no spoiler for season 8 (the Quiet One is mentioned, but not their true name...research helps me so much...).**

 **Just try to enjoy it if you get that far, okay?**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

"Let's start with the basics: My name is Kai, and I am not the 'true' me. He died in the first few loops." Kai winces, rubbing his eyes in front of the mirror, letting out a sigh. "Damn, that's so stupid..."

He looks himself in the eye, before putting his face in his hands, groaning. "Yet that's what I'm starting with."

/ /

Where Kai finally tells his family the truth, and faces a few skeptics.

( _This summary is BEFORE the events of this chapter. Just for a little fun :) )_

* * *

 _ **Remember me?**_

"My name is Kai Smith, and I doubt you remember the true me.

"I was arrogant, once. Impatient, hot-headed, untrusting. The true me was in the first few loops. I was usually the one who got you all killed.

"But time set in. I grew out of my single-mindedness and learned to work with you rather than against you all. Repeating things made it easier to control what would happen next. But usually, it was out of my hands.

"Being Times' Champion isn't a blessing. It's a curse, but I'd gladly hold the burden over any one of you."

"Wow. That got depressing real quick." Jay comments from his seat on the couch, and Nya, on his left, punches him in the arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"For interrupting my brother. He's finally explaining things and you just go along and rip the floor from out underneath him!" Nya explains, frowning at him.

"I must admit," Cole starts, leaning forward in his seat beside Jay, giving Nya a pointed look, "this does seem a little farfetched. I mean, time loops? Seriously?" He huffs, and this time Zane, sitting on the end next to Nya, shrugs.

"I don't believe our friend has any reason to lie." He simply states, and Lloyd, standing behind them, smiles at Kai.

"That's right. Why would he lie? Any of you have a valid reason?" The other Ninja scratch their heads.

"Err...attention?" Jay mutters, and Nya hits him again.

Cole shrugs. "Reasons to avoid us?"

Lloyd smirks. "Those sound more like questions to me."

Kai, standing in front of them all, shakes his head, snorting. "Yeah. I agree with Lloyd. And since when did I need reasons to avoid you?"

Jay laughs. "Ohh, you just got burned!"

Cole ignores him, frowning at the Fire Ninja. "Kai, you're not actually serious, right? This has got to be some practical joke." Cole looks wildly at the other Ninja, gapping at them. "Wait, you actually believe him?"

Kai looks at Cole sadly. He knows he's a sceptic, but this...he's barely even started, and...

His gaze hardens. _I'll make him believe._

"This isn't a joke." He states, and the Earth Ninja jumps up, fists clenched.

"Then prove it!"

Kai recoils. _Proof? But...what if I don't..._

He watches as Lloyd walks over to Cole, hands in front of him in a calming gesture. "Hey, what if he doesn't have proof?"

The usually calm member of the group rounds on the Green Ninja, snarling. "He must have proof! 'Time' itself can't just leave someone as their 'champion' without some kind of mark!"

 _Oh, how right he is._

"And what if 'Time' did just that?"

"Do you know why I don't go swimming?" Kai butts in, and everyone turns to look at him, Jay in particular staring at him like he's stupid.

"Maybe because you can't? Maybe because you have aquaphobia and refuse to go anywhere near water?" Jay states, snorting.

Kai looks down, smirking, his spikes hanging over his face, staring at the ground for a few seconds. Of course _they don't know._

It's sudden when he laughs. The Ninja look up, startled, as the Fire Ninja laughs.

Kai knows that they haven't heard his laugh in a long time. He hasn't, either.

But then he can't stop, and it takes him a minute to stop howling, gasping in breaths as he calms down, stomach aching. "Why did I ask? None of you would know. No one knows the real reason." He shakes his head, looking up at Lloyd apologetically. "I left a few things out from our chat, Lloyd, and I'm sorry for keeping them from you." He snorts. "It doesn't matter, anyway. You were all going to find out sooner or later."

"Find out what?" Nya asks carefully, and Kai gives her a small smile.

"This." He doesn't have time to think over his decision. He doesn't have time to think about what he's doing. He doesn't have time to think _why_ he needs to give Cole proof.

Kai feels that if he thinks, he'll never get it done, so he just acts.

He slips his T-shirt off and, upon chucking it onto the floor, hears them all gasp. He looks away, closes his eyes, bites his lip, anything to keep himself from seeing their faces.

Because he knows what they're seeing. Ugly scars of burns that have never healed. Numbers etched into his chest, stomach, hip, and they haven't even seen his back yet. But they've seen the numbers, and the actual scars from blades on the final run.

 _It's too late to turn back now._

He hears a sob, and just like that he feels Nya wrap her arms around him, head burying itself into the crook of his neck. "Oh, Kai! I... I never thought..."

Kai opens his eyes and finds everyone standing up, all staring at him with wide eyes.

He flinches away from Nya, expecting those stares to turn hostile at any moments.

But they don't. They change into pity, and he's not sure if he hates that more than anger, because anger is something he knows more about than anyone in the room.

He watches as Jay gathers Nya up in his arms, Zane's eyes glow blue, Cole gaps at him and Lloyd...

"Kai..." He slowly walks towards him, before reaching forward and placing a comforting hand on his wrist, gentle squeezing it. "Did...did they hurt?"

And it's then that Kai realises that what he's showed them is better revealed now. He realises that it's better that they know now then in a time loop where everything can reset and be _un_ remembered.

He gives Lloyd a sad smile. "Yeah. Yeah, they did."

It's ok. They believe him, now.

And that's all that matters.

* * *

 **Next up: beginning of an AU season 8.**


	8. Rise - VIII

**Hello, readers! Please, have a seat and enjoy the show!**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

It's hard to rise after a devastating fall.

But it's okay. Kai can do it...even if he doesn't want to.

/ /

Where Kai is reminded that he can never be normal, and feels foolish because of it.

 _(Beginning of AU season 8)_

* * *

 _ **Rise**_

It's hard to rise after a devastating fall.

He's been above the others for so long he's forgotten how easy-going it is to be back in the middle – no stress, no obligations, no action; a vacation, if he wanted to put it mildly.

But vacations must come to an end. Kai knows that, but it's hard. Now that all his friends know his secret, he's been finding it more and more difficult to adapt.

It's ok, though. At the end of the ninth month, he was sent away from anywhere near Ninjago to go and look for Wu. Alone.

And he's happy with that. He's away from everything. He can restart – at least for a while, anyway. Here, in this small village, no one knows he's a Ninja. No one knows he's famous. And, most importantly, no one thinks he's someone important – he's a traveller to them, and that's all he can ask for.

It's refreshing, to be nobody again.

Three months, he's there. He's made new (ordinary) friends (who help him when he's feeling down). He's found himself a new (ordinary) job (hunting animals is easy, and it's only better that he can search for Wu while he's doing it). He's seen the (ordinary) beautiful things in life that he once overlooked and took for granted (he was selfish and arrogant, then. Now, he's forever stuck with seeing the full picture).

He wants to stay. Really, he does. In another reality, perhaps. Maybe when he's finally out of the Ninja business, he could settle down here. It's hard to think about when that would happen, though.

Inevitably, that's what brings him out of the vacation. Ninja business.

Ninja business that hurts.

He's relaxing in the small towns' café when he feels it. A tingling sensation centring around his right shoulder.

He knows that feeling well. It's been over a year since he's felt it, and it isn't ( _will never be_ ) a welcome tingle.

That tingle brought pain, misery, and death. A never-ending cycle until things ended how they're meant to be.

 _No!_ He can't do this again. He's finally found his way and now...

 _It's going to repeat._

Kai manages to exit the café in record time and make it into the forest before the pain starts.

It's sudden. The tingling mark begins to become embedded into his skin, and it sizzles, burning. He grits his teeth, unwilling to scream.

But he knows it'll only get worse.

And it does. The pain escalates further until it's utter agony, and now he's on his knees, panting, eyes shut, teeth clenched so tight he's only distantly afraid they'll snap.

But that's all it is. A distant thought, his head filled with a fog that won't let go until the process is complete.

He's fallen. Down, down, down. Back into the safety of normality.

But he's a ninja. He's famous. He's Times' Champion.

He can't be normal. Won't ever _be_ normal.

The thought is seared inside his brain, much like the number now forever etched into his skin.

Kai wipes the tears from his eyes as he stands, holding his upper arm, turning his tender shoulder to see the number one scorched into his skin, the mark glowing bright, smoke rising from the 'tattoo'.

The Fire Ninja doesn't have to wait long for Pixal to contact him.

"Kai, Lloyd requires your attention in Ninjago." Her monotone voice crackles through his communicator, and he lets out a shaky breath. "Are you ok? Have I caught you at a bad time?"

"Fine." He replies automatically, wincing as his new mark throbs when he lifts his arm. "Tell Lloyd I'll be there as soon as possible." The communication device clicks off, and he sighs.

He doesn't want to leave. He likes it here. All this normality he's grown accustom to.

But he's a ninja. The Master of Fire. Somebody who will – _has to_ – fight while others run.

He's fallen so far down. So far, he's afraid he won't be able to climb back up.

But that's all he can do. Now, he has to rise. Rise above the crevasses in the Earth, above the roaring blizzards, above the crackling lightning.

To save his family, to save his friends, to save Ninjago, he _must_ be the best he can be.

He'll repeat it a thousand times if he has to. He'll protect them. All of them.

Because, this time, his brothers _know_.

And, this time, things are going to be different.

He can feel it.


	9. Recoil - IX

**Here it is! Number 9! The realization...**

 **Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

They've won...on loop 5? What? New personal best! WOO!

...Until it's not.

/ /

Where light and dark must be balanced, and Kai gets the call to fix it...not that he likes it.

* * *

 _ **Recoil**_

When Kai realised what he had to do, he recoiled.

They'd been fighting the Sons of Garmadon for the last 5 loops, and it'd been hell. On his first loop, he had gotten to the end, but Garmadon had risen and the world had, once again, been enveloped in darkness.

Lloyd had died, and Kai followed soon after.

Loop 2 went by quickly; being impaled tends to kill people quite fast; trust him – he _knows_.

Loop 3 had him spinning around, trying to figure out which of the three enemy leaders were remembering.

The thing was...none of them seemed to be doing anything drastically different. In fact, by then, they'd only been responding to what he'd changed.

It made him start to wonder: was there some sort of higher power ordering them around (maybe someone like the Overlord)? Was Lloyds' father meant to wake up evil? Or...was he missing something?

On loop four, they almost saved Garmadon, only to be thrown backwards by the Oni Mask of Deceptions' telekinesis, and he had, to his misfortune, slammed right into the hulking figure of Killow himself.

Being held at club-point wasn't fun. Neither was being crushed (slightly; he still rubbed his arms every now and then). In the end, though, the Ninja were forced to lay down their arms (damn his loyal friends) and Kai, being a smart bastard, decided to retry and shoved his neck into the spike.

Note to self: suicide is hard to wrap up quickly.

Then...Loop 5. The game-changer.

They'd won. They'd saved Lord Garmadon (on Loop 5. _How_?). They'd saved Ninjago. And, on top of that, he'd almost gotten a new personal best.

Or so they thought.

Master Wu (damnit. He couldn't stop thinking about him. Not when he was still nowhere to be found.) told them that there had to be a certain balance. The scales couldn't tip in one direction or there wouldn't _be_ a world to save.

The shift in balance (where either good or evil are tilting uncontrollably) is different for either side. With darkness, the world deteriorates quickly. It becomes dark and foggy and the population plummets and, really, that was exactly what the Overlord wanted; to destroy the scales. But, while darkness can persevere, light cannot. With light, the world explodes. Just with a click of the fingers.

When he'd seen the light, he'd thought it'd been the sun as they cheered.

But then it got hotter and _hotter_ and _hotter_.

And, with a brilliant flash of light, Kai had been brought back into his past body, on the floor of a tranquil forest, shaking. He didn't have to look at the number on his shoulder to know that it'd been replaced by a six.

That was where he was now. He'd been reflecting, wondering where the hell it'd all gone so _wrong_.

His mind goes back to the only thing that made any sense.

 _The balance. If Garmadon is freed before he creates chaos, Ninjago will be no more._

And he can't let that happen.

Kai recoiled then, because damnit, Lloyd wasn't going to let it happen. He wouldn't let Ninjago fall under any sort of darkness because he was still so _pure_. Kind. _Innocent_.

He shook his head. New second best? Nope. He'd been naïve, to think it'd be that easy. No, it was so much harder than that.

His fellow Ninja knew he embraced Time Loops, now. He'd known things were going to be different. He'd felt it.

He just didn't know it'd be in this way. This horrible, twisted, gut-wrenching way.

"Kai?" The voice that cracked through his beeping communicator wasn't Pixal, and it'd been enough to startle him out of his thoughts, because that'd been Lloyd and why did he sound so _bewildered_? "I...I don't..."

"Lloyd." He stated, starting to feel nausea build up in his stomach, swallowing some puke that managed to get past his steel defences. "What's up? What's wrong?"

It took the Green Ninja a while to respond. "I don't understand..." Kai waited, and he almost did throw up when he'd quietly said his next words. "Why do I have a number burnt into my skin?"

He'd been expecting the possibility. None of the commanders had a number; they'd have done something different by now. No, Time itself had been trying to show him something – and have him decide what he should do about it – before drawing a number on his next number one enemy.

And that just happened to be his best friend.

 _Damnit._

"Kai? You still there?" Lloyds' voice brought him back out of his wallowing, and he realised right there that he could walk down two separate paths.

He could tell him what has to happen and find Mr. E and the other Sons of Garmadon members. He could tell him nothing and stick with the other Ninja, only to deceive them when the time was right.

There were other, minor things he could to with the two different rolls. He could, as a Ninja, make 'accidental' errors that make it easier for Mr. E and the others. He could go find Lloyd and tell him everything, then see what he'd do. There were so many different things he could do (so many things he could try), but, right now, only one would work appropriately, no matter how much it hurt.

"Yeah, I'm here." He almost choked, his free fist clenched and, not that he noticed, on _fire_. "I'll be there as quickly as possible."

He clicked the communication off and, after taking a deep breath, slammed his now _not_ flaming fist into the nearest tree, leaves falling and birds cawing in distress.

"God _damnit_..." He muttered, eyes closed tightly, biting his lip. "Lloyd won't trust me after this..."

Option two sounded more logical than the first. He wanted to be honest. He wanted to tell them what he knew and what he was going to do and why, but he couldn't. No, no. That's not right; he _wouldn't_.

He held back tears – _hot_ tears.

 _This hurts. This isn't fair._ He thought, and he inwardly growled, tears evaporating before they leaked.

Life isn't fair. Won't ever _be_ fair. He should know that by now, but every now and again he'll find the self-preserving phrase pop up.

He punched the tree again. Then once more for good measure.

 _Damnit. Damnit to hell!_

Then he slumped against the now smoking tree, holding his head in his hands.

 _I've done so much for Ninjago, but now..._

 _Now I have to fight against it. And that means fighting my friends. And fighting for the_ enemy _._

He recoiled then, feeling unwelcome tears well up in his eyes once again. They don't last long, however, because he slammed a flaming fist into the ground, the tears dissolving quickly.

Then the anger dissipated, and he sighed, closing his eyes tightly.

 _I have to do this. They won't understand my reasons. They won't understand why I'm suddenly working with the enemy._

 _But it has to be done. I have to betray them. I have to work against them._

 _It's for the greater good._

Kai stood, taking a deep breath.

 _Time to tell Lloyd a_ slightly _abbreviated version as to why he's been marked._


	10. Resist - X

**Have fun with the last of ten, people!**

 **But beware, the end is near...**

 **(Also, to the people who asked me to put the conected one-shots into one book:** _you all owe me for this; it took me a long time to come up with a summary and title (one that I'm still not too happy with, so any suggestions would be great!), and some of the editing...Rugh! Glad I did it, though. So...thanks._ **)**

 **Reviews are greatly appreciated,so if you have the time and willingness to do so, I'd be eternally grateful. It's fine if you don't, though; I know the hardships of not wanting to write a review, so no pressure or anything. It's your time.**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Time had warned him of what was to come.

It's just...why did they have Lloyd do it?

/ /

Where Kai fights against Lloyd in the final battle and tries to tell him how the end is near...and how to save his father.

 _(And fails to mention the impending doom of-)_

* * *

 _ **Resist**_

Kai resists the urge to help Lloyd instead of fight against him.

He's the Green Ninja. His best friend. His _brother_. He's the person he's supposed to _protect_.

But he hasn't been protecting him. At all. Really, they're on opposite sides of a feisty river, and whenever they try to cross the unstable bridge and meet up, hell ensues.

Death being the most common ending.

They've both died plenty of times ( _thank_ god _Lloyd can't_ actually _die_ ). Sometimes from unfortunate events (like Mr. E deciding to impale Lloyd. And sometimes Kai; distrust is a killer). Sometimes by their own hand (Lloyd got that one off him; he should know that suicide isn't the correct option). Mostly from stupid mistakes (like crashing his vehicle and smashing his head into a brick wall. He 'awakened' flailing about from that).

It hurts, fighting who you're supposed to protect. But, in a sense, he's protecting all of Ninjago this way. He can't focus on one person – he must battle for the people, not a friend (though that is very much preferred), no matter how much it hurts.

He tells himself that as he stands on top of a building late in Loop 43 ( _damn_ Lloyd can put up a good fight), his katanas' tip notched into a crack in the concrete, allowing him to put his full weight on the hilt. His right shoulder aches, and he can feel the number glow in unison with his pumping heart.

His heart that is starting to thump like no tomorrow ( _and maybe there won't_ be _one_ ).

Loop 6 will be forever seared into his brain. How he walked with his brothers, getting some raised eyebrows at his continued mistakes that helped the enemy. How, when asked if anything was wrong, he smiled and lied right to their faces. How they looked when he defended the Quiet One as they were about to stop her from resurrecting Garmadon, stating that they had to let it happen. How, when Jay tried to tamper with them during the process, the Oni masks reacted and killed them all with a wave of dark matter.

He remembers how Lloyd reacted when he came back to him on the next loop, stating he couldn't be trusted and that he could be possessed, much like he himself once was.

He remembers running before they could catch him, then the loops blur together in one huge tornado of events (ones that _he_ created – directly and indirectly).

Traps. Captures. Fights.

There's one particular loop, no. 22, that he remembers. It's the one where Lloyd realised he wasn't possessed, bitter or anything of the sort. It's the one where Lloyd thinks, if only for a moment, that he's doing this for his own desires; that he _wants_ the world to succumb to darkness. It's the one where he tells Lloyd that he's trying to save Ninjago, and that he'll do anything to protect his friends – even if it means fighting against them. It's the one where they fight, and the one where they both realise this can only end in two ways.

Great success...or death. And considering death isn't an option for either of them, it seems outsmarting the other is the way to go.

Kai has a bad feeling, though. His stomach churns, because the last time his mark pulsed like this was when-

"You must be guarding something real special to be standing here like that." Jay remarks, and Kais' eyes snap to where the Lightning Ninja is standing with his friends ( _family_ ), noting that their weapons are also drawn.

Kai smirks, pushing the thought to the back of his mind. "You're late," he remarks instead, not moving from his position, eyes drifting to the Green Ninja, whose face is set in a grim frown. "We've already started. I've just been waiting for you...like usual."

The Ninjas' hoods are up, but it doesn't stop them from seeing their eyes. They're all pained and sad but filled with determination – an unspoken promise. Like always.

Lloyd eyes him warily, silver katana by his side, the curved blade shining in the afternoon sun. Kai knows him well enough to know what he's going to do next. "Guys, go. I'll deal with Kai." He gives the Fire Ninja a pointed look, but he doesn't want to hear it.

He's not going to let them go just yet.

As Jay and Cole get ready to jump down, Kai calls for his fire and, in an explosion of his elemental power, holds his hands out, a wave of fire rising on all sides of the roofs' edge, reaching far into the sky. Jay yelps, jumping backwards, his blue ninja gi slightly singed. "Oh, you're not going anywhere."

Lloyd is the only one who doesn't take a step back at his true potential; the Green Ninja has done this before, after all. "Kai," he warns, "Don't make me do this."

He shakes his head, even as his heart wants to _leap_ at the chance to get out of this mess. He _must_ do this. Kai lets out a long breath, looking up at his best friend, eyes cloudy. "Sorry, Lloyd, but I _have_ to do this."

Then Kai lifts his katana from its dormant position and, with Lloyd raising his own weapon in response, they race towards each other, the other Ninja also charging forward.

Kai and Lloyds' swords crash together with a 'clang', and the huge amount of fire and energy that is unleashed into the shared blow sends a massive shockwave hurtling outwards in all directions, sending the other Ninja flying backwards and off the rooftop, the wall of fire having been blown away by the great torrent of wind.

They both jump back and out of harm's way before they throw themselves at each other once again.

It's a defensive battle, though. Kai doesn't want to hurt Lloyd, and vice versa. But, even if they don't want to, they have to. On opposite sides, they have no choice.

"Please, Kai! Just stop this! We can work this out together!" Lloyd yells as they're locked together in a trial of strength, each trying to overpower the other with their weapons.

Kai shakes his head, eyes downcast. "I'm sorry, Lloyd. This is a path I must travel alone." He pushes a bit harder on his friends' blade, and Lloyd grunts, arms shaking.

Lloyd pushes back, determination filling his gaze. "I can't let you release my father. Not like this."

The Fire Ninja closes his eyes for a second, face screwed up with emotion. _God, I don't want to do this either, Lloyd. But I have to. This is for all of Ninjago._

Kai opens his eyes, face calm, looking the Green Ninja in the eye. "Then stop me." He pushes his blade down as hard as he can, and just as Lloyd looks like he's about to lose, the ground rumbles, and both boys stumble apart, Kai immediately looking towards the source.

On the ground below them, the Ninja fight the Sons of Garmadon. However, in the middle of what used to be a park, the three Oni masks spin together under a large hole, the masks pulsing with dark energy.

He can see the Quiet One watching the fight, protecting the masks. Kai frowns darkly.

His mark pulses in response. Ghostly hands wrap around his shoulders, making his skin tingle. _"You know what to do."_

Kai nods. _I do._

He turns to his friend. "Lloyd. Once your father rises, you need to quickly subdue him. All we need is for Garmadon to come back. If only for a moment." The Green Ninja gives him an odd look.

"What?"

Kai shakes his head, smirking. "I've always been on your side, Lloyd," he says, before raising his weapon once more. "Now fight me."

He's a distraction. He always has been. He's always been a pawn in this game. This time around, his role is to fight against his family. Sure, it sucks in every way imaginable, but it's all in the roll of the dice. This time, he needs to distract Lloyd long enough so his evil (who left so _pure_ ) father can rise and spread at least a little darkness into the land.

That's all they need. Just a _tiny_ bit.

And Time contacting him like this...it proves what he's been thinking. He just wonders how it's all going to end.

Lloyd shakes his head, and Kai smirks, snorting. _Alright. I'll start._

He charges at his friend, only to get thrown backwards by a burst of green energy, flying off the roof and into the ground before he can act accordingly, yelling as his back grinds against the stabbing rocks.

His shoulder aches and his back screams, but otherwise he's ok.

He gets up slowly, stumbling forward a few steps, grunting as fire unwelcomingly licks at his back, his red ninja gi more than likely shredded there (it _definitely_ is; he can feel the blood running down his back). _It's ok,_ he thinks. _I've been through worse._

Lloyd jumps down in front of him, eyes full of concern, despite himself. "Are you ok?" His sword is down by his side, guard down, yet Kai can't bring himself to care.

 _Keep fighting!_

And he does. Without replying, Kai charges at Lloyd, the Green Ninja barely bringing up his sword in time to block the otherwise devastating blow.

They're surrounded by other fighting members of the Sons of Garmadon, but Kai doesn't pay them any attention. He only pays attention to Lloyd, and damn, if one of the other Ninja came in now, he'd be screwed.

(The _'element of surprise'_ would be the end of him.)

They begin their dance yet again, dodging swipes and elemental powers alike.

Then the earth trembles, more forcefully this time, and Kai barely manages to keep himself upright as the ground splits open in many different directions, all originating from the Oni masks.

It's right beside him when it happens, and he dives to the right, saving himself from a terrible fall. Lloyd does the same, but others aren't so lucky.

A lot of the Sons of Garmadon members fell into the splitting earth, and Kai momentarily spots Cole in his prone form, his friend crouched as he tries to stop it from happening.

It's out of his control, though. The Oni masks are getting ready, and Kai can _feel_ Time warning him of what's to come.

He needs to tell Lloyd. Now.

"Lloyd." He grunts out as he stands shakily, sword gripped firmly in his hands, Lloyd already up to oppose him. "It's almost time."

"For what?" He cries, but Kai doesn't answer. Instead, he attacks.

He sweeps low, and Lloyd jumps, using the momentum to backflip away from him, posing skilfully on the ground. He waits for the Green Ninja to come at him, shaking his head. "Don't you feel it? The tingling. The pressure on your mark." He jumps, trying to catch Lloyd off guard, but the sensei sees the move and sidesteps, narrowly dodging the downward swipe. The Green Ninja quickly strikes, but Kai dodges, the sudden movement sending knifes up his back.

Lloyd jumps at him as he winces in pain, and once again they're locked together, fighting for dominance. "I do, but...what does it mean, Kai?" Kai pushes harder, but Lloyd pushes back, the stalemate continuing. "Stop stalling, Kai! Answer me!"

The Fire Ninja grits his teeth. _God, I hate this._

He feels a cold touch trail down his arm. He knows what to say.

"The end." He states ominously, pushing his blade downward just as another quake hits.

It happens fast. Kais' blade slips as the earthquake unbalances him, and Lloyd's sword skids off of his and rockets upward, slicing up his right cheek and stopping beside his right eye as he stumbles backwards, backflipping onto another larger, more stable piece of land, narrowly avoiding falling into the chasm.

Fire races up his face, and Kai quickly touches the new injury, his hand coming back bloody.

 _That's going to scar._

"Kai!" He hears Lloyd cry, jumping over to meet him, but the Fire Ninja doesn't care.

 _Stop fretting over me and_ fight _!_

He attacks, but this time, his friend anticipates it. The Green Ninja parries the blow, but Kai sees it coming and kicks him backwards, sparing a glance at the Oni Masks.

They're almost consumed in dark matter, pulsing black, but, while the Quiet One is trying to fend off Nya and Jay, Zane has snuck past her, about to grab one of the masks.

"No!" He cries, firing a fireball at Zane. The nindroid is too slow to react to the cheep blow, and is sent flying away from the masks, back smoking.

He doesn't have time to feel guilty. He doesn't have time to say why he stopped Zane. He doesn't have time to say sorry.

Because Lloyd is back, and he's not happy.

A flurry of fast attacks leaves Kai on complete defence, his friends' eyes sparking with a slight green glow. "How could you hurt your own brother? How could you do that willingly?" The Green Ninjas' attacks come faster, if possible. "I can't believe you!" He cries, and Kai narrowly avoids a beheading, realising that Lloyd isn't trying to disable him. _No, he's trying to kill me._ "I trusted you! I... I looked up to you!" His attacks are slow for a moment, before quickening once more. "But look where that got me!" Lloyd backflips away from him, before shooting a green burst of energy, Kai narrowly avoiding the precise shot.

 _Oh god, I need to stop him before he does something he's going to regret._

"Lloyd-" He doesn't get to finish, as Lloyd himself bares down on him, Kai barely getting his sword up in time to block the fatal blow, both coming to a standstill. "Lloyd, just listen-" The Green Ninja cuts him off, pushing harder on their locked blades.

"No! I'm not going to listen to you anymore, Kai! I'm done with your games! Why can't you just _leave us alone_?"

The sharp words hit him hard, and he loses his strength, the blade he'd been holding baring down on him. He manages to slip past, his sword smashing into the ground from Lloyds' force, but he doesn't miss the look on his brothers' face.

 _Oh s-_

He brings his blade up just as Lloyd tries to slice into his side. However, from his sloppy block, his katana flies out of his hands and sticks into the ground ten meters away.

And, as the ground rumbles once again, Kai stumbles forward, leaving him unable to dodge Lloyds' devastating blow.

Lloyd didn't mean to do it. He'd been mid stab, having twirled around as Kai lost his weapon. He'd been lost in anger, shocked that he'd willingly hurt a friend.

But, unbeknownst to him, Kai had saved Zane and all the others from a dark outburst that would have killed them all – Lloyd should have known that, but when it'd first happened, he hadn't seen how they'd died; he'd been too busy fighting the Quiet One to see what really happened.

He understands why he was angry. He understands why he let himself go. He understands why rage had clouded his judgement.

The only thing he doesn't understand is why Time had Lloyd do it. He'd been waiting for this moment throughout the battle. He'd accepted what had to happen.

It didn't mean he couldn't hate Time for making Lloyd be the one to kill him.

He gasps as the curved blade tears into his red ninja gi and through his stomach quickly, the blade moving way past his body, leaving the hilt to slam into his stomach. His body, which had lurched forward at the sickening impact, is left stumbling backwards as the sword is quickly ripped out of his body, the terrible fire hitting him like a ton of bricks. Kai sees Lloyds' face throughout the terrible process, and he hates it as he watches his face morph from fury, to shock, then horror.

"Oh...oh god, Kai!" The ground shakes, yet they stand unaffected. Lloyds' rooted to the ground, and Kai is still standing out of sheer willpower.

Because this is the end. And he can't just leave Lloyd like this. He has to tell him how to save his father, because he made sure he knew how to save Garmadon at the start of this loop, just in case it all went wrong (when it all went _right_ ).

"Lloyd," he gasps out, legs shaking as another burst of fire made black spots appear through his vision. "You can...save your dad. Use your power. I... I know you can...do it." He lets out a few gasps, a familiar metallic taste filling his mouth.

Lloyd stands there, and Kai feels like he's standing in front of him, hand on his shoulder, and he knows Time is letting him have a minute of freedom – one minute to reassure his brother.

He knows because time stands still around them, and he can see that they're outside their own bodies, which are behind them. It feels good. The agony is gone, and he has a chance to say what he needs to say. For himself, and for Lloyd.

"Lloyd." He starts, and the Green Ninja stares at him, eyes glistening. "You're my best friend, and I... I want to say how much I care about you. About _all_ of you. You're my family, and..." He looks down, grimacing. "I'm so sorry that I had to turn on you. If we hadn't let your father awaken, the amount of light in the world would have destroyed us all, and I couldn't let that happen." Kai looks up, only to find tears running down the Lloyds' face. "I couldn't involve you. I... I couldn't have you help the enemy. Not when I wanted the Sons of Garmadon to fail at this exact point." He puts a hand on Lloyds' shoulder then, who's openly sobbing. "This isn't your fault, Lloyd. This was meant to happen. I'm supposed to die, and I'm ok with that."

Lloyd steps away from him then, tears still rolling down his face like a waterfall. "No, we still need you here! I... I need you here, Kai!" He wraps his spiritual arms around Kai, sobs wracking his leaner frame. "I'm not going to let you die!"

Kai feels a pang of sadness hit him, vision blurry. "I know, but...you have to. It's my time to go."

Lloyd pulls back, looking up at him, mouth wobbling. "Think about Nya! She'll be devastated! Think about your parents! They just got you back! How do you think they're going to feel when you don't come home? And what about Cole and Jay and Zane? You know them! Cole's going to isolate himself from everyone! Zane's gonna get sad and try and ease the mood and make it worse and Jay... do you really think Nya and Jay will stay together? Jay will infuse himself in his experiments and Nya will probably break up with him because she'll be absorbed in her grief! And...and think about me! I... I don't know what I'll do without you..."

Kai looks away when he says that. Like Zane, he'd be a gap in the team. But...they'll pull through it. _I just know it._

"It won't happen like that. Sure, you'll all be sad for a while. I know it first hand, but I know you'll push past it. I know, because you'll be there. You'll be the one who heals the team. You'll help them all through their grief, even when you're in the midst of yours, and I know because you're _you_ , Lloyd. You'll set the team straight. You did that with Sensei." The words hurt, if only for a moment. "And, if you ever falter, just know that your father will be there to help you... that, and," Kai places a hand on Lloyds' chest, "know that I'll still be with you in _here_."

Kai feels time ripple around them, and he clutches his stomach as the searing fire bursts through him for only a moment, but it's all he needs to know the warning.

 _Wrap it up._

Kai puts his clammy hands on Lloyds' shoulders, smiling warmly. "Tell everyone that I love them."

Lloyds' lip wobbles as he nods, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I will." He whispers, and that's all it takes for time to snap back into place, Kai getting pulled back into his mortally wounded body.

Fire races through him, and he stumbles back at the sudden agony, gasping as his foot lands on the edge of the land, falling backwards.

He hears multiple cries of his name as he falls through the gap in the earth.

And, as he plummets into darkness, the dim glow of his mark fades away.

* * *

 **And that's it! Well, not necessarily.**

 **I've had multiple people say yes to my question for a series cataloging everything Kai went through, and I'm tempted to do it. I've even finished the prologue to the first book and started on the first! If I make it to the end, I'll definitely do a story that talks about what happened a few years after Kai fell. What I have planned for that...well, you'll like it, I'm sure.**

 **So, while the series will probably happen, I've got to finish my other two stories first. Just a bit of determination is all I need for this to go right ahead. That, and have the stomach to watch every Ninjago episode, 0-8. Happy days...?**

 **Welp, my funeral ;)**

 **If any of you have any requests (like doing a little something in Lloyd's POV (which I'm also tempted to do) based on this very AU) then please ask, and I'll consider it. To any Zane lovers, I'm sorry for not showcasing him much in this; having Kai hit him was a way for me to incorporate him into this. Hope I did okay...**

 **If anyone want's anymore information, check out my profile. It'll be updated soon. If that doesn't answer any questions, then please, PM me.**

 **Well, I'm just gonna shut up and leave before I talk about anything else. Have a nice day, everyone!**


	11. Repent - XI

**The REVIVE Series**

 **1/3**

* * *

 **Hello and welcome back! I've created a new three-part series that centers on Lloyd, because one - the full thing would've been too long, and two - it would've left you guys hanging for many more months than this.**

 **So, three parts it is.**

 **Hope you enjoy a super depressing 3-chapter series!**

* * *

 _ **Series Summary:**_

After doing the unthinkable, Lloyd is left in shambles. Piecing himself back together like he did is not what he should have done, because now he's set himself up to fall - and he's going to fall harder than ever before.

Because to revive the soul...that's a feat almost no one has ever accomplished.

(One he's going to achieve, dammit. He's not going to let it slip away. Not this time.)

/ /

The AU where Lloyd jumps to conclusions. Because of this, he fights two battles: one unavoidable (distracting) battle…and one he could have avoided (and chose not to).

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

Lloyd repents for what he did. He hurt him (killed him) and now he must live with the consequences.

Or…Or does he?

/ /

The AU where Lloyd learns to live life without Kai.

 _(Spoilers for (cannon) Season 8)_

* * *

 _ **Repent**_

Lloyd repents for what he did to Kai.

He hurt him ( _killed_ him), but he can't do anything now. He's dead and he isn't coming back.

His dad did, though.

Bitterness strikes then, because the ( _former_ , but that _hurts_ ) Ninja of Fire thought he could save his father straight up. He thought that he could just ignore his death like it was a grain of sand on the beach. He thought that he could win with the snap of his fingers.

News flash: Kai was a naïve fool (he doesn't acknowledge the agonising thought that Kai had seen too much betrayal and heartache to make him too trusting).

'Was' is a word he still tries to avoid thinking when referring to the Fire Ninja ('had' is another).

What happened after Kai _fell_ is still a bit of a blur to Lloyd.

He remembered everyone crying out as his _best_ _friend_ tumbled into the abyss. He remembered the wave of dark energy that knocked everyone – but him, of course – off their feet.

He remembered seeing the Oni Masks, a circle of darkness forming some portal above them, and…

Well, he doesn't exactly know what he did. He knew he moved forward. He knew the power inside him bubbled with an intensity he can't describe. He just doesn't know what he _did_ , and that was what bugged him. To this very day.

Waking up in a crater where the Oni Masks once lay with the earth still in tatters can do that to someone.

He asked about it when he saw his friends later that day, but all they said was that he'd been consumed in some sort of bright light.

When he asked about his father, they'd said they hadn't seen him.

They said he 'must have died'.

But Lloyd could feel it; a certain darkness shrouding all of Ninjago like a fog. He knew his father wasn't dead – worse, he knew he came back _wrong_.

(It took a while to figure it out, though; lost in his own world of nativity ripped a year of potential preparation from his fingertips.)

And, while that ate at his insides like maggots on a corpse, what he didn't do is _so_ much worse.

Kai asked him to place the jigsaw pieces back where they belong.

But he didn't piece his family together. He tore them apart when the fabric was starting to knit itself back together; ripped the tapestry off the wall before the weaver could undo the damage.

And that… _that_ is his greatest sin.

/ / I \ \

Minutes after he wakes up inside a crater, Lloyd is grabbing Nya and tearing her away from the one remaining crack in the ground, wincing as she cries and screams and sobs in her desperate attempts to get out of his firm hold.

 _Wailing_. His mother once told him of the horrible grief-filled screams, and he never once thought it would sound quite like this.

It's worse than he could have ever imagined.

She stops pulling towards the crevasse after who knows how long, and Jay is there to hold her as she sobs into his chest.

Lloyd takes the time to look around, finding Cole slamming the ground with a bloodied hand, tears streaming down his face. Zane stands at the edge of the fissure in the earth that extends from the centre of the park to the edge of it, silver head down, looking into the depths below.

The Sensei takes a deep breath, looking between the two, before walking over to Zane.

Cole needs his time alone, after all.

Walking towards him, his gaze meets the ground, _his_ blood gracing the floor.

He stops, gut churning. _My fault._ Tears prick at his eyes.

He relents, clenching his fists. _I need to be strong. For them. For_ him _._

Lloyd lifts his head high and walks up to Zane, who still looks down into the darkness, blue eyes dim.

"I…I don't understand." The nindroid admits after a minute, finally looking up at him. "Why…Why does it feel like I'm suffocating?" His icy blue eyes shine, giving him the illusion of unshed tears.

Lloyd gives him a sad look. "That emotion…is called grief." He can barely utter the words as they catch in his throat, the hand reaching for his brother's titanium shoulder shaking for a moment.

Zane looks at the ground again, eyebrows furrowed. "Grief…intense sorrow," his robotic face twitches, "especially caused by someone's…death."

Lloyd's hand twitches. "That's it." He manages, teeth clenching so hard he's afraid they'll snap.

There's silence for a while as they stare into the abyss below. _I can't…why…_ Kai _._

 _Why did you have to leave?_

"Will Kai be back?"

Zane's sudden question catches him off-guard, his head swinging to the nindroid, the robots' facial features high.

 _Hope._ Lloyd thinks, looking back at the floor. _That emotion is what killed Kai._

He doesn't answer.

/ / II \ \

Cole finds the Quiet One lying on her back on the other side of the park a few minutes later, a vicious contact with the floor rendering her unconscious.

 _I used to love you._ He thinks as he waits for the police to show up, taking in her straight white hair surrounding her prone form like a halo. _Still do._ He crouches, eyeing the ochre red war paint covering the top half of her face and her unnoticeable ruby lips. _But I can't forgive you for what you did._

He stands, blankly staring into the distance.

 _In another time, maybe…maybe we could have been together._

He clenches his fists, blinking back tears.

 _In another time, maybe…maybe this organisation never showed up._

Sirens wail and Lloyd snaps his head to the right, finding the familiar red and blue lights flashing onto the street, coming to a screeching stop at the front of the park, narrowly avoiding the large crevasse reaching halfway across the road.

 _In another time, maybe…maybe Kai would still be alive._

/ / III \ \

Lloyd watches the ambulance load the Quiet One into the back of their van with a simmering anger, several police officers following suit.

 _You betrayed me so many times. I tried to change you, but…you never did._

Lloyd walks away.

He doesn't look back.

/ / IV \ \

One day. It's barely been a day since tragedy struck, and Lloyd can't sleep.

He can't stop thinking about him – about _Kai_.

His best friend. His mentor. His… _his_ …

He wipes away his tears as he lies on his bed, alone now that he has his own room (being the Sensei helps).

 _Oh, Kai._ He holds back a sob, clenching his fists as he rolls onto his side, wet cheek pressing against his dry pillow. _I…I can't do this without you!_

This time, he can't hold back the choked sob that escapes his once firm hold. _But I killed you, and now I must live with the consequences._

/ / V \ \

Three days later, Cole caves and cries to Lloyd when they are alone in the Temple, in the kitchen of all places.

He sobs on the hard floor, and Lloyd holds him to his chest as he cries, feeling his throat clog up as Cole babbles. "If-i-if I'd ju-just used m-my po-powers, I-I could have s-saved him!"

The Green Ninja tightens his hold around the usually calm member.

He wants to say so much. He wants to say that he impaled him in a fit of rage. He wants to say that he could have saved him instead of cry and freeze up at the most crucial moment. He wants to say that he…that he _killed_ him.

But he can't. Not yet. Not when the wound is so fresh…so _raw_.

Instead, he whispers what the Earth ninja needs to hear. "Cole, you couldn't have possibly stayed upright with how close you were to that explosion." Tears of his own slip down his face as his hold tightens on his distressed comrade. "It's not your fault."

 _No, it's mine._

/ / VI \ \

Lloyd smiles and nods at Zane as he places the hamburger in front of him, grinning as he gets a whiff of the spice and juicy aroma of the combination between the meat and the vegetables inside.

His mouth waters as he stares at his meal, finding he must tear his eyes away or else he'll devour it.

He distracts himself with checking who's at the table.

Jay and Nya sit together at the far end, holding each other's hand as they look at each other, the Lightning Ninja whispering something into her ear as Zane sets their own hamburgers in front of them, making a rare smile spread across her face.

He smiles at their antiques, finding Zane sitting down beside him after he calls out to Cole.

"They're looking better, aren't they?" Zane whispers as he leans towards him, nodding towards the pair.

Lloyd nods. "Yeah…" He remembers the first few days, the experience almost enough to wipe the grin off his face. "Way better than sticking in the garage twenty-four seven."

Zane focuses his shiny blue orbs on him, nodding. "Agreed."

They wait a few moments for their friend.

His smile falls as the Earth Ninja doesn't appear.

He sighs, giving Zane an aspirated frown as he stands, walking around the table. "I'll get him."

"Good luck." Jay replies over his shoulder, grabbing the buns and practically throwing the food into his mouth, groaning at the taste.

Lloyd turns away before his gut can feel the twinge of jealously ( _too late_ ), heading down the hall to get their reclusive brother.

 _Don't do this again, Cole._ He inwardly pleads as he makes his way to his door, going up a staircase. _Please. You can't do this to yourself._

He reaches his door within the minute, knocking on wood. "Cole? It's Lloyd. Lunch is up." He waits for a few moments, receiving no response. "Jay will eat it if you don't hurry."

No response. Lloyd sighs. "Come on, Cole. It's been three days. You've got to eat _sometime_ soon."

"Not hungry." A small voice defiantly answers, and he frowns despite the urge to grin like he's won the lottery because _he's answered_!

"Even if you're not hungry now, you will be soon." He counters, leaning against the door. "Come on, just have a bite. I won't pester you if you do."

"No." The answer is immediate, and he grits his teeth.

 _Okay, now I'm going with option two._ He winces but doesn't change his decision. _This has gone on for long enough!_

"Stop punishing yourself for his death. It wasn't your fault, Cole. You know that." He doesn't get a response after that, and he didn't expect one. He can practically feel the Earth Ninja ready to tear down the locked door and punch him in the face.

He's ready if that's what he decides to do.

He sighs as the silence goes on for long enough, knowing he's not coming out today. "I'll be back when dinner's up." He pushes off the door and turns, taking a few steps before stopping, looking back at the door. "Do us a favour and show up, will ya? We're all getting worried."

Silence.

He turns and heads back down the stairs, sighing in defeat.

 _Kai, you asked me to keep this family together, but I can't. Cole's drifting and I don't know what to do. Please…_ come back _._

His plead reaches empty ears.

/ / VII \ \

Kai's funeral is nine days after his death.

He gets a statue, like Zane did. One that has him in one of the ridiculous poses (one that looks a bit like Superman) he would do at the worst times; he's pretty sure an architect is working on another one in the middle of the city, this one with both hands on the handle of his katana which sticks straight into a crack in the ground, his head leaning on his hands with a cocky smile.

(If that does end up being featured, Lloyd's not sure he'll ever go back to that part of town; it'll remind him too much of their last meeting – the one where he-)

The funeral is at the worst time, though.

Nya's starting talking again, with Jay starting to crack jokes like no tomorrow. He and Zane finally coaxed Cole out of his room yesterday, and Zane is starting to spend more time with them.

So, this funeral… it might just set them all back to square one.

He's sitting in the crowd with his family, dully watching the events roll by (tarp off statue, some random talks by people who never knew Kai like they did, museum advertisement ( _bastards_ )) when he's tapped on the shoulder.

He turns his head, Zane nodding his head towards the lectern. "They just called you up, Lloyd."

He freezes for a moment, because he _can't do this I killed him I killed him I_ _ **killed**_ _him_ -

He takes a deep breath and stands, slowly (shakily) making his way through the crowd, glad they're holding him back.

But then he's at the front, no humans left to block the road, and he takes a shuddering breath as his stomach clenches, throat feeling like it's caught in a vice.

 _I…I can do this._ He thinks, taking a step forward. _I just need to say a few words. Tell them how great he was, how he never shrunk at the face of danger, how they can't_ possibly _know him like I do._

Bile rises in his throat as he reaches the lectern, microphone sticking out to greet him.

He's briefly stuck with what to say as he stares at the (startlingly large) crowd around the very park his best friend perished in, lump in his throat making itself known as he swallows the bile.

"Uhh…" _Great start!_ He thinks caustically, mentally going over who Kai was – _is,_ is _,_ **is** – to him. "Kai…was brave." He wants to stab himself when he uses past tense, grabbing onto the wood of the lectern instead. "He…he never let anyone do the hard part. He always stood in the front lines, always protecting us from threats we wouldn't know were there until they struck." He realises he can't stop talking as he remembers all the times they shared, tears ready to flow down his face like a river. "A lot of people tell me he was cocky, but I never really knew him like that. I knew him as a mentor. A Brother. My…My _best_ _friend_." He can't hold back the tears anymore, letting them slide down his face as he grips the edges of the stand like they're his lifeline, his knuckles going white. "I still have so much I want to say to him, but…I can't." He lets out a sob as he looks down, the words tearing out of his throat expanding into all the ears in the crowd. "And it's all my fault."

He moves away from the lectern quickly, tearing into the crowd like there's no tomorrow, creating a path as he races from the scene, images flashing of _rage and moving and shit, he's hit, but there's no need to worry, we've done this all the time, he'll be fine on the next reset and-_

And then he died.

He can't breathe. Can't stop shaking. Can't stop the quick, laboured breaths erupting from his mouth.

Everything's closing in and he can't _deal_ with it anymore.

Energy erupts in his hands, sending the crowd stumbling back a few paces with a startled cry.

Then he leaps over their heads, landing just outside the mass of kind citizens and just _runs_.

/ / VIII \ \

When he's back to himself, away from the looming panic attack, he finds himself curled on the edge of one of the highest buildings in Ninjago City, watching the dazzling sunset, all kinds of red, orange and pink bringing him some sort of peace.

 _Sunset._ He realises, taking deep, long breaths. _It was midday when we left._ His eyes widen. _Have I been like this all afternoon?_

His eyebrows furrow as he sits down on the edge of the building, deep in thought. _After I escaped the funeral it gets a bit hazy._ He winces. _I think…I think I ran around for a bit, then…_

A flash of sobbing and clutching his chest and running and…climbing?

 _I must have fallen asleep after the climb up._

He stands then, leaning over the edge of the building to get a look at the bottom.

He blinks, finding no landmarks he knows. "Where _am_ I?"

"On the other side of the city." He jumps and whirls around at the sudden voice, heart hammering in his chest as he faces who spoke.

It's Cole. With Nya, Zane, and Jay. All in their Ninja Gi. All with their hoods up.

All… _wary_?

He runs a hand through his blonde locks, focusing on Cole as he flashes him a smile. "Good to see you talking."

Cole pulls down his hood, the rest of the Ninja following suit. "Good to see you back to yourself." He counters, crossing his arms as Lloyd scrunches his eyebrows together.

"Wha…what?" He asks, fingers twitching as the words sink in. "What's that supposed to mean?" He demands, eyebrows narrowing.

It's the way he said it that sets him on edge. The way he makes it sound like…like he-

He watches them all shift slightly, arms raising and body twitching to the side for just a moment.

It's all he needs to figure out the answer to his question – all he needs to figure out why Cole said it in that tone.

Because he…he must have…

 _No._ His face falls, already paling as it dawns on him. _Did I…no, I couldn't have…_

Lloyd's legs give way, sending him ass-first into the floor, the pain a momentary distraction as his breath quickens. _I…I couldn't have…_ His right hand raises to clench his chest as it tightens, left clenching so hard his knuckle is white. _I couldn't…I couldn't…_

He doesn't realise Zane is in front of him until he's there, prying his right hand open as his icy blue orbs stare into his green. "Breathe, Lloyd. Breathe with me. 1 – in. 2 – hold. 3 – out. 1 – in. 2 – hold. 3 -…" The words tumble together into a mess of in's and out's and he attempts to get his breath back, squeezing the Ice Ninja's hand so hard it hurts.

The pain cements him to reality, though. Helps him stop spiralling through _rage – Kai's impaled –freezing, numbing shock – save dad – don't talk like that – don't go, don't go,_ _ **don't go**_ _– fall._

Death.

"I killed him." He finds himself sobbing, taking in deep, shuddering breaths as he squeezes Zane's hand with more vigour, fresh tears streaming down his face. "I-I was so angry and I didn't-I didn't expect him to-to not dodge my blow. And-and when I realised what I-what I'd done, I-I froze." He focuses on Nya, a hand covering her mouth in shock, brown eyes wide. The sob that escapes his throat turns into a bitter, choppy laugh. "The-the thing is, I-I thought he'd be o-okay. We-we'd both impaled each other be-before, s-so I assumed everything w-would be fine a-after a quick r-reset." He looks to the floor, shoulders shaking. "So w-when I realised w-what he was t-talking about, w-what was about t-to happen, I was t-too late." He lets out a cry as he remembers standing still as he fell, gaining the courage to look back up at the Water Ninja. "I-I'm so sorry!" He manages to choke out before falling back into the storming sea of grief, unable to find any land to save him from the rough, devastating waves.

 _Weak._ He thinks as he cries like the boy he once was. _You're their leader. You're supposed to help_ them _, not the other way around._ He can't act on his thoughts as his body curls in on itself, shaking like a leaf.

"We were so caught up in our own grief that we didn't see you crumbling right in front of our eyes." A hand falls on his arm and he briefly looks up, meeting two obsidian black eyes. "From now on, I promise we'll look out for you as you have for us, Lloyd."

Lloyd's too caught up with memories of Kai to object.

/ / IX \ \

Looking back on the day, he wonders if that's when he fell into the emotional web of despair.

(It _began_ as despair. Then it shifted and changed into something much, much worse. Something called-)

/ / X \ \

Lloyd locks himself inside his room, much like Cole did earlier that week.

He spends most of his time lying on his makeshift bed, sometimes crying quietly. Sometimes sleeping with Kai-induced nightmares. Mostly staring at the white wall wondering when he's going to get up and face the world.

When he's not lying on his bed, he's either going to the toilet attached to his room or sitting at his desk, staring at a random blank page in his journal.

He ignores Zane's calls, Nya's pleading and Cole and Jay's (serious and joking) threats. Doesn't hear a lot of it because he's so lost in his thoughts; he'll often wake up when their footsteps are retreating or when they're halfway through their last sentence.

He doesn't know how long he's been here. All he knows is that he's been deathly hungry and not. That the sun has set and the moon has risen multiple times. That he can feel so numb that he goes through that day in a daze.

Lloyd stops trying to be a Sensei – the Green Ninja. He starts being Lloyd, the kid who was never good enough.

He starts being a kid who just lost his best friend.

/ / XI \ \

Kai said he'd never leave them again.

He lied.

/ / XII \ \

"Lloyd." A voice flutters through his door, waking him from his slumber. "Lloyd, I have news." Cole tells him, voice somewhat bleak.

 _News?_ His weary brain wonders, sleep threatening to pull him under once again. He doesn't get up, rather choosing to shift around and look at his pale white door, eyes half closed.

He waits. The Earth Ninja delivers.

"It's…it's about Kai."

Lloyd's wide awake the moment his friend's name is said, jumping out of bed and sprinting to the door.

He turns the handle and swings it open, free hand shaking.

Cole's stands there, blinking, black hair messy like he's just rolled out of bed.

"What?" The Earth Ninja blinks at him. Lloyd's shaking hand clenches. "What about Kai?" He urges, trying to keep the _need_ out of his voice but failing epically, his eyes wide.

"I believe he is becoming desperate, brother. We should tell him now." A robotic voice to his right advices, Lloyd's head snapping in his direction so fast it hurts.

Zane stands a metre away from him, a blank look on his silver face.

He tries to compose himself, taking a deep breath and a long exhale. "Tell me what?" He asks, right hand falling from the door handle, the shaking limb betraying his calm façade.

If it's about Kai, he _needs_ to know. More than any of them could possibly know.

Cole scowls at the three other Ninja before facing him once again, features softening. "Remember the volunteers who went down into the crevasse to search for Kai a few days ago?" He asks, and Lloyd winces while nodding. He knows he's avoiding using any words associated with death – knows it's both for him and everyone else in the hallway. "Well, they reached the bottom and they…they, uhh…" Cole looks at Zane. Zane stares back, unblinking.

Lloyd holds his breath, shaking limbs easing. _Did…did they find…_ (he wants to think corpse but finds himself unable to. Not because of a tightness in his gut, but a terrible speck of his naivety – of _hope_.)

Zane nods at Cole. The Earth Ninja closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"They…they found a bunch of the Sons of Garmadon members, but…they didn't find him." He bites his lip. "They didn't find Kai."

And _that_ – that's probably where he got the stupid idea. The idea that Kai was still alive and kicking.

It's when he manages to escape from the web of despair. It's also where he falls into another, much larger web of hope.

And this web catches him so deep in its sticky tendrils that he can't escape for a long time.

/ / XIII \ \

His team were all reluctant to tell him about the lack of a body.

If he thinks hard, he'll wonder if they kept this from him for days on end. He'll wonder if they hadn't wanted to see him like this. He'll wonder if the others knew what the news would do to him.

Whatever the case, he knows their hesitancy was both his saviour and his killer.

/ / XIV \ \

Lloyd spends another day in his room after the news, thoughts buzzing like flies trapped in a web – the same web he's starting to fall through.

 _They didn't find a body._ He repeats for about the hundredth time, staring up at the ceiling as he lies on his bed, right arm underneath his head. _Kai…Kai could be…_

He looks back on his ninja life – back on _Kai's_ ninja life.

He pictures his determination and his laugh. His anger and his skill. His cockiness and his utter stubbornness to _not die_.

He remembers his promise.

" _I'll never let anyone hurt you, Lloyd. I promise."_

And what could possible hurt more than the death of someone who knows him better than he knows himself?

(His father's death hurt a lot, he knows, but it didn't hurt like this. No, this is different…worse, in a way.)

Lloyd practically leaps to his feet, sitting at his desk with the blank page begging to be written on.

 _If you're alive then I'm gonna find you. I promise._ Lloyd grabs a forest green pen, eyes narrowing as an unbidden thought crosses his mind. _If not…well, I'll think about that later._

With that thought, he writes.

Unknowingly trapping himself deep in a carefully constructed web that has left him unable to move.

/ / XV \ \

He writes down notes, thoughts and questions. He writes down what he can think of, wracks his brain because he needs to find him.

It's unrealistic, he knows, the thought that Kai could be alive. Knows that the chances are slim to none that he's breathing and healthy enough to survive.

But…he _must_ try.

(They searched for his uncle for a year under the likelihood that he was likely dead. What makes this any different?)

He ignores the tiny whisper in the back of his head, instead choosing to act on a selfless thought.

Slamming his journal shut, Lloyd leaps to his feet, rushing to his door.

 _I should go tell the others I'm okay. That I'm better now._

He stops at the door, hand on the knob as he looks back at the book he just poured all his thoughts into.

 _Then…then I start._

/ / XVI \ \

He considers telling the others what he's planning to do.

Shaking his head, Lloyd plants a hand on the pale hallway wall, coming to a stop.

 _No, this…this is something I_ must _do on my own._

Sharp emerald green eyes look up, shining with determination.

 _To repent for the sin I've committed, I must go solo, because…because Kai could do the same for me._

/ / XVII \ \

"You're not okay."

"How can I prove it to you?"

A smirk. "I know exactly what."

/ / XVIII \ \

 _A lush, open green field spreads out around him, the wind sending a nice breeze into his face as it jostles his blonde hair. A cloudless sky provides no protection from the sun's golden rays, the warmth spreading across every inch of the soft carpet of low-cut greenery._

 _Lloyd drinks in every second of it, his forest green hoodie blending in with the scenery around him. His white shirt is hidden under the zipper, only poking up at the base of his neck. His black track pants stand out among the light colours, seeming to suck the soul out of the life surrounding him._

 _Instead of focusing on that dark thought, he hums in content, taking a deep breath of the rich scent enveloping the field. He places his hands behind his head, lacing his hands together as he closes his eyes, inhaling another round of the intoxicating smell._

 _The sun tries to invade his eyes, sending a bath of red light in hope of prying past his protection._

Red. _Lloyd's eyes rocket open, trying to rid himself of the painful reminder._

 _It's too late, for instead of finding a calming green field he finds a wary red one. Instead of a cloudless sky he sees one covered in dark grey clouds, the unnatural red light of the sun only just pushing past the darkness in the sky, painting the ground red. Instead of a soft carpet of greenery he finds jagged blades of grass digging into his bare feet, drawing blood that sticks to the soles of his feet._

 _The hairs on the back of his neck stand, his gut churning in warning._

 _Lloyd turns around slowly, already knowing what he's going to find._

 _The man of his nightmares is dressed in red, standing a few metres away, hood up and shadowing his face from view. His tight, flexible leggings are almost camouflage in the dark lighting, the shirt underneath his hoodie a lighter shade of red. A tear in the fabric would have been unnoticeable if not for the hands clutching it, the blood coating his hands in a mask dripping onto the blades at their feet, the grass dipping under the weight._

 _Lloyd's shaking before the figure looks up, amber eyes boring into his now incongruous emerald green._

"Lloyd." _The calm voice outside fills his ears yet does nothing to interrupt his racing heart, shaking limbs or quick breaths._ "Lloyd, you need to open your eyes."

 _He can't. They're open and yet they're_ not _but he can't reach them. Not when_ he _is standing there, watching him with an unreadable expression._

" _I-I can't." He gasps, watching with wide eyes as the figure reaches a dripping hand up and grasps his hood, pulling it off his head._

 _His usually spiky brown hair is down and plastered to his head as if he's been out in a storm. His eyebrows are drawn down and his mouth is set in a firm line, his gaze hard, haunting and harrowing. The cut he inflicted up his right cheek is bleeding heavily, the crimson trail tracing a path to the tip of his chin and dripping onto the floor as it gets too heavy to defy gravity._

 _The hand he raised falls back to his side but doesn't go to cover his wound. Instead, it clenches, leaving Lloyd to assume his intentions._

"Yes, you can." It's Cole, _he realises_ , trying to help me. "Whatever's there is just your imagination. You need to focus. All you have to do is close your eyes and _breathe_."

 _Lloyd does just that. He closes his eyes quickly, taking deep breaths to slow his racing heart, to calm his shaking limbs, to_ open his eyes _._

 _A light rustle in front of him splits his attention._

 _It continues until Lloyd can feel his breath on his face, a coppery scent invading his nostrils._

 _He doesn't open his eyes. He continues to breathe, to inhale and exhale, to focus on feeling his eyelids._

 _A hand falls onto his shoulder, making him jump. He almost opens his eyes but relents, knowing he'll be stuck there forever if he does._

 _The haunting breath comes closer._

 _Lloyd feels eyelids behind his._

 _A forehead rests against his own._

 _The Green Ninja opens his eyes._

And sucks in a sharp breath, pushing himself out of his meditating position and scrambling backwards until he hits something solid, inhales loud and shattering the silence in the living room.

Lloyd shakes, tears filling his eyes as he reaches to feel his forehead, ghosting warmth into his skull.

His knees meet his chest as he brings them up, wrapping his arms around them as he chokes out an inaudible word.

Hands wrap around him and he starts, wide eyes finding Nya on her knees beside him, light brown eyes reminding him of the forest.

(Subconsciously, he realises she was who he crashed into.)

More of his family follow until he's in the centre of a group hug, his breath evening out as love envelops him. The tears threatening to overflow slowly fade away as they continue hugging, his hands calming and his heartbeat slowing to an average speed.

He lets out a small chuckle as he thinks about before. "I don't think that worked."

The group around him laugh and disperse, standing a few metres away from him so he too can stand in the middle of the room.

"Well, meditating is supposed to clear your mind. It was the best shot we had." Cole shrugs, Lloyd humming in agreement.

"Yeah…" The small smile falls off his face as he remembers the vision.

"What's up?" Nya asks, head leaning slightly sideways.

"I…uh…" Lloyd bites the bullet. "I need to go down there."

They understand what he means. He can see by how their faces fall and (in Cole's case) their eyebrows raise in a dangerous manner.

He looks down, clenching his fists.

He…he _must_ do this. Kai's been plaguing him since day one and he's not about to stay here and believe the authorities. That, and if his best friend really is alive…

Lloyd raises his head, throttling his friends with a look they know too well.

Cole suddenly finds the wooden floor more interesting.

Zane gives the others a look.

Jay's fingers twitch.

Nya's hands start shaking.

Cole looks up and nods at his Sensei. "Okay. I know you're not going to back down once you set your mind on it."

Lloyd gives them his first genuine smile since the funeral.

/ / XIX \ \

It's dark. That's the first thing he notices as he grabs a rocky ledge with a sturdy hand, squinting into the fog of black.

Kai's element would've been an asset in this situation.

Lloyd grits his teeth. _He's not the only one with a power that produces light!_

He calls to his element and it responds immediately, energy pouring into his hand to create a small ball of light.

"Good thinking!" Cole acknowledges from above, just across from him.

The Sensei gives the Earth Ninja a ghostly smile, green illuminating his face. "I am full of bright ideas." He wiggles his eyebrows.

Cole groans. "Why did I choose to go with you?"

That hits him with the force of a train at maximum speed.

Lloyd responds flatly. "Because no one else put their hand up."

His brother doesn't respond, looking taken aback by the frank comment.

The Green Ninja doesn't see it, focusing on the inky black below him. If he looks up he knows he'll find a small speck of light in the distance, knows that his family is waiting for them to come back up for fresh air.

(Fresh air he's not sure he'll ever breathe again; he's drowning, and he doesn't know when he'll ever resurface from the murky depths that currently hold him deep in their numb clutches.)

Biting his lip, Lloyd throws his ball into the darkness.

It sparks and shatters when it's a little smaller than it had been in his hand; just over a hundred metres.

A grin spreads itself across his face.

They've found it.

Lloyd repositions himself.

Cole yells, reaching out in a futile attempt to grab him. "Wait-!"

He pushes himself off the wall.

Freefalling. There's something exhilarating about it. The wind roaring in his ears? The weightlessness in his body? The shivers running up his arms and through his limbs?

Lloyd closes his eyes and lets out a long breath, relishing it.

He's not sure exactly what it is that grips him (or if it's all of them combined) but one thing's for sure: he didn't come here for an adrenaline kick.

He came here for Kai.

The Sensei's eyes flash open as he twists, beginning to spin and kick.

Airjitzu takes hold in a whirlwind of green as he slows himself, letting the technique go as he begins to go upwards.

He only falls for half a second before he hits the ground.

His right leg gets the brunt of the impact, a short burst of pain running up the bone. He grits his teeth, ignoring it in favour of calling his element once again.

Energy erupts into his hand, lighting his surroundings in a green hue.

The whole crevasse was tight to descend, and he didn't expect it to be any wider here; there's only room for about two people standing on it's width.

But it's long. Longer than all the others that graced the park.

The choking scent of blood has him covering his nose in disgust, the metallic scent bringing enough memories to haunt him for the rest of his days.

He finds the source of it on the floor, a crust of black coating it. He reaches down with his free hand; the ground is cool against his fingers – stone.

And yet…

He moves his hand slightly to the left.

It's warmer.

In a trance, Lloyd tracks the heat.

Until it's too hot to touch.

The Sensei stands and steps back, blinking as he focuses on what he found with his improvised light.

Scorch marks. And…a symbol?

Two triangles, one on top of the other, tips touching.

Both glow blue.

A heavy contact with his shoulder makes him jump, whirling away from the source.

Cole stands there, scratching the back of his neck. "Uh, sorry." He stares intently at what Lloyd found. "What are you looking at?"

The Green Ninja's eyes widen. "Don't you see it?"

The Black Ninja's eyes narrow. "See what?"

He crouches and points at the symbol, glowing faintly. "It's here. Two triangles on top of the other, glowing blue."

He stares at Cole, waiting for a response as his brother squints.

To his dismay, he shakes his head. "I don't see anything, Lloyd." He cocks his head, expression shifting in the green light. "Are you sure you're okay?"

And Lloyd stares. He searches his brother's face for anything betraying some form of practical joke, squints until he starts to get a headache.

He finds no lie; no joke.

His gut clenches.

The Green Ninja looks back at the symbol, dulling and brightening every second.

A smile almost spreads across his face because understanding rockets into him.

Cole hasn't lived the loops. Hasn't died and woken up on the same minute of the same day with a different mindset. Hasn't been marked with a number that'll never go away.

His right shoulder tingles; Lloyd knows Cole will never see this symbol. Nor will anyone else.

Only him, Kai, and Time itself.

 _The symbol is an hourglass_ , he realises. _It represents time; how every life must be snuffed out. How death is coming for everyone._

 _For Time, it's ironic; she lives forever. Maybe it's her sense of humour._

This revelation…if it's told him anything, it's that this is something he must do on his own. This symbol – one that only _he_ can see – proves that.

That, and the _heat_ …and the missing corpse…

He's positive.

 _Kai's_ alive _._

"I'm fine." Lloyd replies, his mouth uplifting into a small smile as he meets Cole's eyes. "I'm going to be just fine."

 _And so will you, Kai._

/ / 0 / /

 _She doesn't hesitate._

 _She knows what she's doing. Knows the burden she's placing on him. Knows there's no way around it._

 _Seeing what she's seen…it's the right call. It's necessary, no matter how much she wants to walk away and let nature continue its proper course._

 _Because…_

" _To save the realms…" An almost transparent figure whispers, placing a glowing blue hand on the pale body beneath her, "I must save you first."_


	12. Responsibility - XII (Part 1)

**I know, I know: it's been a while. I apologize for my negligence of this fic and the disappointing amount I have given you today. However, I doubt this would've gone much further without posting it in parts; again, I'm sorry.**

 **The ideas are running, but now that I've decided to do it in parts, everything should go smoothly. And faster, too.**

 **Please, enjoy this snippet of the chapter, Responsibility.**

* * *

 _ **Series Summary:**_

After doing the unthinkable, Lloyd is left in shambles. Piecing himself back together like he did is not what he should have done, because now he's set himself up to fall - and he's going to fall harder than ever before.

Because to revive the soul...that's a feat almost no one has ever accomplished.

(One he's going to achieve, dammit. He's not going to let it slip away. Not this time.)

 **/ /**

The AU where Lloyd jumps to conclusions. Because of this, he fights two battles: one unavoidable (distracting) battle…and one he could have avoided (and chose not to).

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:**_

After some light thievery, Lloyd meets the animals of Chima. There are no solutions here.

* * *

 _ **Responsibility (Part 1)**_

Lloyd has a responsibility to find his best friend.

 _He_ wounded Kai. _He_ remembered everything. _He_ saw the glowing hourglass.

So, he must do this. Find him, dead or alive, because Lloyd made this happen and he needs to do whatever he can to correct it.

He and he alone. As Sensei, as the one who wounded Kai, as the one responsible for all the grief, he must make this journey alone. The others don't have an obligation like he does. The others don't need to shoulder this guilt and pressure. The others…they need to continue searching for Wu.

And, while they do that, Lloyd will do… _this_.

Hopefully before everything goes to hell, because there's something heavy in the air – something that, over time, will suck the light out of his energy.

Something that spells disaster for Ninjago City.

(If only he knew, if only he realised his father was slowly creeping back into Ninjago, if only he planned for the worst, because maybe…just maybe…things could have gone much better.)

/ / I \ \

A week after finding the symbol, Lloyd steals the Realm Crystal.

After watching the Hiroshi Labyrinth Stronghold for a couple nights, he knows the white Android patrols like the moves in Spinjitzu. Distracting those at the entrance is a rock throw away and navigating up the chamber while avoiding detection is a breeze.

Armed with knowledge he shouldn't possess, Lloyd passes through hexagonal hallway after hexagonal hallway, moving through a break in the near constant patrols.

It's only when he reaches the chamber with a blue pillar holding the realm crystal does he see a flicker.

In a green hoodie, Lloyd spins towards the movement.

"Intru…der?" Cyrus Borg's face is on the wall, squinting at the blonde hair hiding his face. "L-Lloyd, is that you?"

Lloyd grimaces, before wiping back around and snagging the Realm Crystal with a hand.

"No," the Green Ninja is opening a portal to somewhere before Cyrus can confirm his identity, "don't! Androids!"

The Androids he had avoided charge into the room, weapons at the ready, but by then it's too late.

Lloyd jumps into the portal and it closes behind him, leaving no way of retrieving the stolen item.

/ / II \ \

The impact of firm ground beneath him knocks the breath out of his lungs. He gasps for air, rolling onto his side before coughing so hard his head spins. Flopping onto his back, Lloyd instinctively holds a hand to his chest.

The world drowns out, set on mute while he breathes.

It's been countless minutes when he clenches and unclenches his fists.

And is immediately assaulted with a cold fist to the gut.

Sitting up, Lloyd searches his surroundings with frantic vigour.

Atop a wide circular mountain, the Green Ninja spots a colourful view of the land, a few smooth rocks and there, in the middle of the spiral pattern, lies the Realm Crystal, shining rainbow against the afternoon sun.

Breathing easier, Lloyd places a hand on his chest.

 _Oh, thank the first Spinjitzu Master._ He thinks, falling back on dirt. _I'm gonna need your help if I'm gonna find him._

He probably shouldn't leave it that far away from him, but…

 _I'm-I'm doing this. I'm really doing this._

And, shielding his eyes from the blinding sun, he lays there and waits until his mind has made sense of his actions.

/ / III \ \

It's dusk by the time he sits up, holding his head in his hands.

 _Not sure how time passes here, but I'm gonna go on a limb and say the others have figured out what I've done._ He purses his lips. _Which means they'll be looking for a way over here._

Something twisted blossoms in his chest – relief?

 _Oh. Oh. That's sick._

He's-He's-

 _Sick. You're disgusting._ He wants to vomit. The revelation sends him on his arms and knees, dry heaving. _He's my uncle. How could I be glad he's not-_

Something moves in the darkness – a flap of wings.

It suddenly hits him that he doesn't know what realm he's in, if it's safe, if it's trouble, if it's-

"Hey, are you okay?"

And that's how he gets acquainted with the animals of Chima.

/ / IV \ \

The Lion Temple is magnificent. Even outdated compared to Lloyd's realm, its detail is astounding. The sandy bricks, the huge Lion head, the glowing blue eyes…wow. Even walking inside and seeing the stalls is breathtaking.

He wonders how they'd feel seeing his own realm.

"Hey, the Chi Pool is this way." Eris flies by and taps him on the shoulder, pointing in the opposite direction.

"Uh, thanks." As animals, he really shouldn't be able to understand them. Maybe the Chi, some blue substance that acts as both a weapon and power source to this land, has allowed them to communicate with him?

 _It doesn't matter._ He thinks, turning to follow Eris.

Lions stand guard by the long bridge, glowing golden in the afternoon sun, giving him a suspicious look. "What are you?"

Stepping back, Lloyd raises his eyebrows. Eris didn't react like this.

The Eagle steps in front of him, wings almost threateningly arched at the guards. "He's a friend."

Stalemate. The Lions raise their weapons in warning.

"Eris, hey!"

And the tension dissipates.

/ / V \ \

"So, you're just searching for your friend?" The Lion King, Lagravis, asks, sitting atop his throne.

Lloyd nods respectfully, gut summersaulting. "Yeah. He looks like me, spiky brown hair, red clothes…?" Trailing off, he can already tell by the look he gives the red-maned Lion by his side, Laval, that he's out of luck.

"I'm afraid we haven't seen one of your kind wandering Chima." Lagravis purses his lips. "I'm deeply sorry."

Beside the Chi Pool, Lloyd shakes his head. "Nah, it's okay. This is the first place; chances I'd find him here were slim." He smiles. "Thanks for giving me an audience."

Bowing with his gut filled with stones, the Elemental Master of Energy turns to leave.

"Wait!" The Lion that allowed him across the bridge stands from his seat beside his father, eliciting him to turn and face him. "Please, if you intend to search, then allow us to provide you shelter for the night. The Ravens have been causing some trouble."

Something in his face must twitch because Lagravis is quick to back up his son. "Yes, I'd hate for them to steal something valuable."

That's how he gets thrust into staying the night in the Lion Temple.

/ / VI \ \

The cool midnight breeze wakes him, an oddity because the window was closed when he went to sleep.

Still sleepy but alert, he reaches out to touch the Realm Crystal on the bedside table.

Smooth oak greets him.

Something inside him burns, twists, crackles, pops, and nothing can avoid his wrath.

/ / VII \ \

Some Ravens were following Eris and him to the Lion Temple. He knows because he saw their shadows in the trees and heard a caw or two when they slammed into trees.

It's those Ravens that stole the crystal; he'll be damned if them leave him stuck here like Morro did to him in the Realm of Madness.

That thought has him racing through the jungle, trusting the energy rumbling in his gut to lead him on the right path.

Is he selfish for doing this?

/ / VIII \ \

The smell forces its way up his nostrils. It's metallic and rusty and reminds him of red – Kai. He never thought he'd have to use force in this new realm, but the Ravens were adamant in keeping their treasure.

In the Raven's Junkyard, their occupants lie groaning on the floor of their racetrack, bleeding and bruised, but alive. A twinge of regret fills his being; he wishes he possessed healing properties to take the edge off their pain.

"Sorry, guys. I didn't want to, but you left me no choice."

They whine in response.

A small hum of approaching vehicles reach his ears.

Biting his lip, he wonders what the Lions will do after seeing the damage he's made. He knows they've been giving many animals grief, but Lloyd isn't sure he's completely in the right here. The Realm Crystal is his only ticket out of here, so maybe his selfish desperation unleashed more power than needed.

The said crystal sends fragmented rainbows along the dirt, making the patches of blood shine. He picks it up while intentionally looking up at the cloudy white sky, as if covered with regrets like he himself is.

Distantly, he wonders if their blood is painting his soul red.

/ / IX \ \

"It's about time I go." Lloyd says, standing before Lagravis once more. There's been no leads here and staying has only caused more trouble for them both.

The Lion King nods. "It was a pleasure, Lloyd."

Lloyd gives him a smile that doesn't reach his eyes and, trying to ignore the cold stares of the guards and other wandering animals, wills the Realm Crystal to send him elsewhere.

Basking in the blue light of the Chi Pool, Lloyd's hands burn.

Then everything melts away.

* * *

 **Responses**

 **RandomDragon2.0 said:** _'hmm...interesting_

 _and I wonder what Lloyd will find_

 _this is amazing and I can't wait for more :D'_

 **Me:** I'm so glad you're enjoying this! Hope I haven't bored you with the wait, haha. P.S. Lloyd finds lots.

 **CatGirl.02 said:** _'I have been looking out for the new chapter for ages!_

 _Thank you so much for this! And please for the love of GOD continue! (but take your time, OK?)_

 _Love u!_ '

 **Me:** I'm sorry you had to wait for...way too long for this next pathetic excuse for a chapter. Taking my time may not have been the best thing...

Hope to see you around for this chapter.

(P.S. Next chapter will be another shortie, but I think I will be much quicker with it this time.)

 **CHEESEPUFF fg said:** _'that was amazing._

 _I'm so sorry it took me so long to review._

 _and also this isn't going to be GreenFlame is it?_

 _I'm fine with it being implied Greenflame,but actual Greenflame isn't my thing'_

 **Me:** Nope, not Greenflame. Though I do ship it~ (eww, gross; I can hear you :) )

Late reviews motivate me, so don't hesitate to relent! :)

 **Guest (1) said:** Nicely done! Please keep writing!

 **Me:** Ooh, thanks kindly.

 **Guest (2) said:** Continue!

 **Me:** Boi, that ain't gonna help, you know.

 **MyThoughtsAreScreaming said:** _Well dang this got me good._

 _I NEED SOME UPDATES!_

 _I miss the good ol' fics like these_

 **Me:** Well, here you go. It's here. I love it got you good, too. :)

Also, love the username. Has it been recently changed or is it just by imagination?


	13. Resolve - XIII (Part 2)

**Life is not lemons, so I decided to wait and see if I got inspiration for a fight scene at the end. But nope, not happening, so here is this chapter. At least I know how to start the next chapter :)**

* * *

 _ **Series Summary:**_

After doing the unthinkable, Lloyd is left in shambles. Piecing himself back together like he did is not what he should have done, because now he's set himself up to fall - and he's going to fall harder than ever before.

Because to revive the soul...that's a feat almost no one has ever accomplished.

(One he's going to achieve, dammit. He's not going to let it slip away. Not this time.)

 **/ /**

The AU where Lloyd jumps to conclusions. Because of this, he fights two battles: one unavoidable (distracting) battle…and one he could have avoided (and chose not to).

* * *

 **Chapter Summary:**

Lloyd has a resolve: nobody will halt his journey until Kai is by his side. Except life is not one straight road, so of course shit goes down.

* * *

 _ **Resolve (Part 2)**_

No matter where he goes, his resolve will not falter. Finding Kai is his only priority – an advance towards the victory that was stolen from them that fateful day.

Civilians would spot him and say they're _so glad the Ninja defeated those cultists_ , that their victory _saved Ninjago from a dark and terrifying force_. And look, maybe it did, but look at them now. Broken, lost, falling into deep, deceptive webs from the cost of this 'great victory'.

Sometimes, the more bitter, worn-down citizens would bite and snarl, spitting venom at the Fire Ninja's memory. He's sure they did, once, after the funeral when he went rogue, and…well, Lloyd isn't sure what he did. Even now, lucid as he is, there's only an intense rage that feels too much like the dark, bitter boy he used to be.

He has a right to be angry, sure. They have no idea what Kai did to save them all. Sacrificed his good name and let the public bite and tear and destroy until there was no name left. The people at the funeral were the good population that wanted to respect their fallen hero – after all, why would they have a public event like this if he wasn't on the Ninja's side?

But does he have a right to be wrathful, destructive, ready to turn on Ninjago at any given moment?

…No. He won't become who his father used to be. It will never happen.

( _But will it?_ He asks himself this when his father crouches before him many months later, a black, smoking hand griping his chin. _Will I really stay on the right path?_

Red eyes stare into his, too-white teeth sharp and on display, as if ready to sink into his vulnerable neck. When he tries to lean back in his kneeling position on the cobblestone floor, spear heads dig into his back, a sharp pain that doesn't relent even when he leans back into his father's black fingers. _I don't know anymore.)_

/ / I \ \

By the time Lloyd retreats from the endless expanse of the Realm of Madness, his mind is spinning in a rough, jagged circle that bends and twists but never breaks.

It's a miracle he managed to stay here for this long. The hour he spent here last time, after Morro had pried the Realm Crystal from his hands, was long and hard. The humanoid creatures that rose from the earth and exited the thick fog during that time were enough to give him nightmares for weeks.

He supposes it's his resolve that has allowed him to retain his sanity for five days. By now, the fog has sapped at his strength – enough to give the no doubt pursuing Ninja an easy capture – and the unnatural animals have tested his will to survive. Maybe their combined work has made his mind stilted and twitchy, like a bug struggling in a cunning web.

In the purple fog, Lloyd doesn't bother looking around one last time, knowing he'll see the fog, not the endless mountains, red caves, and the black polluted lake only a short distance from where he stands.

Holding the Realm Crystal in one hand and his sword in another, Lloyd wills his transportation to activate.

Warmth he's been missing for the duration of his stay fills his palm, sending quaking shivers through his back, chest, arms. Light shines from the crystal, too bright for the supernatural to handle, who shriek in the glowing fog.

Lloyd closes his eyes and is sent to his next destination.

/ / II \ \

It's darker down here in the Underworld. With only torches lighting the dark path, Lloyd can barely see the marching skeletons. The scent of death invades his nose, rotten eggs and garlic mixed together, and the skeletons bones creak and crack as they walk.

He has next to no experience here. Even so, the other ninja has told their story about the Underworld. Mainly…Kai.

When the grief wallows in his gut and he can't coherently act, Lloyd makes sure he's out of sight of the approaching skeletons before he lets himself break.

/ / III \ \

Skeletons, spiders, and…well. Not much else here. Just big caves that all link to the central compartment where the king skeleton stands or…whatever. Lloyd doesn't care much about who rules the Underworld, but only if they stay there. If they get to Ninjago he's going to be very much on their problem list.

Mostly, he sticks to himself. Runs around the caves and hides whenever the skeletons get particularly close. Eavesdrops for any information of a prisoner but doesn't get any.

Kai isn't here. It becomes apparent after the first day that nobody but these skeletons are here; the only mention of the Ninja is in heavily altered stories of old skeletons' heroics in defeating the ninja around a campfire. Bedtime stories.

The realisation is light and kind in these trying times. Lloyd decides now is the time to leave.

Grabbing the Realm Crystal from his green backpack, he wills himself to be taken away.

With a flash of light, the Realm Crystal obliges.

/ / IV \ \

It's always disorientating, using the crystal. It usually takes Lloyd a minute to make sense of his surroundings, especially now since the sun is out and his eyes need time to adjust.

That's how they get the jump on him.

He has time to hear a high-pitched yelp and an exclamation of, "Lloyd?", before the Realm Crystal is being kicked out of his hands and he's on the floor with a boot on his back.

When he opens his eyes with a groan, it's to four people in different Gi's, white, two different blues, and, if he uses his peripheral vision, black.

 _Ninja._

If he wasn't naïve, he might have anticipated they'd be in the Cloud Kingdom, waiting for him. But no, he just had to walk on like an untouchable giant with crystals poking out of his back that don't fucking hurt because of course they don't ( _really, me. They don't_ ).

 _Fuck_.

* * *

 **I have no regrets.**

* * *

 **Watcher321:** 'This is amazing O.O I don't have time to read more than the first chapter right now, but I am so coming back to this. Your writing is haunting :D'

 **Me:** Welp I'm game for gothic. :)

So glad you're enjoying this. Here's the next chapter to keep you entertained...if you haven't read the second chapter haha.

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 **Kifo Entiegon:** 'This is awesome. that's all I can say. Hope you update soon.'

 **Me:** Glad you're enjoying this! Here's this chapter that will surely make you angry :)


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